About Us

Victoria Pynchon

As the co-founder of She Negotiates Consulting and Training, I offer my services as a keynote speaker, trainer and consultant....

She Mediates

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She Negotiates

She Negotiates

The 33 cent wage and income gap is unacceptable and unnecessary. So is the cliché glass ceiling. Bottom line, our...

Our Close the Gap App Arrives in Time for Equal Pay Day

Close the Gap App™ (sponsored by GoDaddy) is a powerful online tool that takes you on a guided deep dive into your career path. It's like having your very own career or business coach on your desktop or mobile device.

Collaboratively designed by She Negotiates' co-founders Lisa Gates and Victoria Pynchon, and author and leadership expert Gloria Feldt of Take the Lead, you can now close that pesky wage and leadership gap for good.

You'll start by capturing your education, experience, strengths and accomplishments, and then you'll build on that by defining your short and longterm goals.

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You'll redefine your relationship with power and learn to navigate the typical roadblocks standing in your way and chart your course as the CEO of your own life.

You'll also learn how to create career narratives or stories to help you ace your interviews and present yourself with clarity and authority.

Then you'll assess your network and support systems and build your relationships strategically with an Influence Plan.

The shared goal of Take the Lead and She Negotiates is to eliminate the wage and leadership gap by 2025. With the skill-building exercises and videos in The Gap App, you won't be waiting until 2025. In the short time it takes to complete the App you'll research your market value, learn the necessary strategies to negotiate it, and close your wage gap now.

After completing the APP, you can join Take the Lead's community of women, powered by Mightybell. So, if you're ready to kickstart your career or business, join a brilliant community of women who are getting it done. And for 10 bucks, there is nothing standing in your way.

Top kudos and credit goes to Kendra Grant of Kendra Grant Consulting who served as our Learning Architect and Project Lead, and Josh Hoover of WP Bench who built and coded the App with his head, heart and hands.

HAVE FUN, AND PLEASE DO EMAIL US WITH YOUR FEEDBACK, QUESTIONS AND REQUESTS ONCE YOU'VE COMPLETED THE APP.

Good Night and Good Luck

I launched the Negotiation Law Blog on October 3, 2006, shortly after I'd earned my LL.M in Conflict Resolution from the Straus Institute at Pepperdine University School of Law.

I'm uncertain just how many months earlier I'd begun blogging on the free google "Blogger" template, but October 3 is as good a date as any to say I began blogging about conflict resolution, mediation, arbitration, and negotiation.

Here's my very first post: Legally Astute Negotiation. Taking a page from a Harvard Business School Professor, I stressed a principle that I would follow to this day - that "legally astute managers understand 'every legal dispute is a business problem, requiring a business solution.'" 

I had no idea where blogging would take me in the seven years between that day and today. I assumed I'd still be mediating litigated commercial cases of the type I'd handled as an attorney for {gasp} a quarter century.

I do mediate still, though I'm doing more organizational mediation than any other type. It's only recently that I realized mediation was a way station between the adversarial system and my true calling ~> returning to feminist activism with the pragmatism that marked my first entry into the second wave women's movement back in 1973 when I began work with the Center for Women's Studies and Services in San Diego as a college student.

Back then, I helped the Center put women to work in non-traditional fields, including breaking barriers to the employment of women at San Diego's largest employer, National Steel and Shipbuilding. It never occurred to me in all my years of legal practice that I'd ever return to "women's issues" let alone co-found a business devoted to closing the gender wage, income and leadership gaps.

If you told me in 1973 that forty years later there'd still be a wage gap, I wouldn't have believed you. But then I wouldn't have believed we'd legalize gay marriage, that Nixon would resign or that we'd have two women serve as the Secretary of State either. So there's been good with the bad.

Still, I never expected to be working with working women again, forty years later, proving again something profound Joseph Campbell once told Bill Moyers.

Schopenhauer, in his splendid essay called "On an Apparent Intention in the Fate of the Individual," points out that when you reach an advanced age and look back over your lifetime, it can seem to have had a consistent order and plan, as though composed by some novelist. Events that when they occurred had seemed accidental and of little moment turn out to have been indispensable factors in the composition of a consistent plot. So who composed that plot? Schopenhauer suggests that just as your dreams are composed by an aspect of yourself of which your consciousness is unaware, so, too, your whole life is composed by the will within you. And just as people whom you will have met apparently by mere chance became leading agents in the structuring of your life, so, too, will you have served unknowingly as an agent, giving meaning to the lives of others, The whole thing gears together like one big symphony, with everything unconsciously structuring everything else. And Schopenhauer concludes that it is as though our lives were the features of the one great dream of a single dreamer in which all the dream characters dream, too; so that everything links to everything else, moved by the one will to life which is the universal will in nature.

I've never been able to write a brief blog post. I have too much to say and never feel as if I have enough time to say it simply. Anyone still reading this blog will likely not be displeased to hear that I've finally decided to be really, really, really brief. And no one who knows me will be surprised that I simply can't be brief here.

So this is my last post here.

If you're still interested in anything I have to say, you can find me micro-blogging at Career Advice for the Short Attention Spanned on a tumblr platform. I managed to put the She Negotiates logo at the top (such technical skills I've gained!) to indicate that I'll be mainly talking about negotiation for women as I did over at Forbes for nearly three years.  I'll also continue writing long'ish'er blog posts over at She Negotates and at The Daily Muse.

And we'll always have the Negotiation Law Blog archives.

 

 

Getting the Other Guy to the Negotiation Table

 

This just in from Harvard's Program on Negotiation:

In a new study, Nour Kteily of Northwestern University and his colleagues found that low-power groups can influence powerful parties to engage with them through their framing of the proposed negotiating agenda. Specifically, across four experiments, participants in the high-power position were more willing to negotiate when a low-power group proposed negotiating less important issues before more significant areas of disagreement, rather than vice versa. This preference is the opposite of what low-power parties prefer, the researchers learned.

For mediators and group facilitators, the lesson is to assure the parties or the organization that you're going to move in baby-steps from the least controversial issues to the most. Most mediators already know that when the group or parties are able to resolve minor issues, their hope for resolution of the major issues increases. By structuring the negotiation, mediation or group experience from easy to "hard" the parties also begin to master conflict resolution "best practices" with the guidance of the mediator or facilitator.

As Ken Cloke reminded a roomful of mediators at the Straus Institute during the SCMA's Annual Conference this past Saturday, we should avoid the temptation to solve the central problem in dsipute before the people who have the problem are ready to solve it. We press the parties forward toward premature resolution at our peril.

Scandal's Betsy Beers Highlights CitiBank/Marie Claire Event

 

We’re all familiar with the phrase “gender gap,” but are our ideas about it antiquated? According to a recent survey from Citi and LinkedIn, they just might be. Although there are still areas that need work (equal pay for women, for example), the findings in Today's Professional Woman Report challenge many of the conventional stereotypes about women and men in the workplace. 
For example, while conventional wisdom assumes that women put more emphasis on relationships and children, the survey suggests it’s just the opposite. For 79% of men, “having it all” means being in a strong, loving marriage, while only 66% of women feel the same. Similarly, 86% of men factor children into their definition of success versus 73% of women. See the full survey here: http://bit.ly/1hxQehn .
Responses to the results have been lively. In her analysis, Linda Descano, Women & Co. president and CEO, and Citi managing director and head of content & social, focuses on how the findings can help you create your game plan for your career, and asks “what does your finish line look like?” Chime in with your story here: http://linkd.in/1aXujcS . 
And finally, there’s still time to RSVP for Power Your Progress on Nov. 6, a networking series hosted by Citi and Marie Claire. Guest speakers will include Betsy Beers, Executive Producer of Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal. Find more details here and RSVP: http://lnkd.in/bYaK9RR . 

Scandal's Betsy Beers

 

There’s still time to RSVP for Power Your Progress on Nov. 6, a networking series hosted by Citi and Marie Claire. Guest speakers will include Betsy Beers, Executive Producer of Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal.

Find more details here and RSVP.

Below, CitiBank Connect on the gender gap and "having it all." I suspect the lower percentages of women defining success as "having it all" arise from their recognition that for us, it's not "having" but "doing."

We’re all familiar with the phrase “gender gap,” but are our ideas about it antiquated? According to a recent survey from Citi and LinkedIn, they just might be. Although there are still areas that need work (equal pay for women, for example), the findings in Today's Professional Woman Report challenge many of the conventional stereotypes about women and men in the workplace.

For example, while conventional wisdom assumes that women put more emphasis on relationships and children, the survey suggests it’s just the opposite. For 79% of men, “having it all” means being in a strong, loving marriage, while only 66% of women feel the same. Similarly, 86% of men factor children into their definition of success versus 73% of women.

See the full survey here.

Responses to the results have been lively. In her analysis, Linda Descano, Women & Co. president and CEO, and Citi managing director and head of content & social, focuses on how the findings can help you create your game plan for your career, and asks “what does your finish line look like?”

Chime in with your story here.

CitiBank Gold women please come to the Westwood Branch on November 6 for a dynamite networking event and panel discussion with Linda Descano and guests (including me).

Victoria Pynchon on Fox News

BigLaw Women on Succeeding While "Doing It All"

What to Do When Negotiation Turns to Squabbling

Negotiators—whether politicians or homebuyers—begin with bold concessions which rapidly shrink the gulf between opposing sides. But like curves approaching an asymptote in geometry, as they near an agreement they level off and struggle to bridge the final, though trivial, gap. The effect of their ongoing quarreling is that, by the end, their motivating goal is not so much to strike a deal or make a sale as to make the other side yield, on no matter how minor a point. The fact of winning a concession matters more than the concession's substance. Not who yields most, but who yields last, appears to lose. The negotiation grows more bitter, the less remains at stake.

(Thanks to friend Rex Stevens for passing this along from the Aphorisms and Paradoxes blog.)

I was over at White & Case* last week talking to its women about the perils of negotiation without the inclusion of face-saving mechanisms. As I told them, it's a common mediation experience for the parties to make concessions in the millions to tens of millions of dollars only to reach final impasse over which side is going to pay the mediation fee ($5K) they'd agreed to split before the session began.

That's not about money, it's about face.

We call this end stage simply the final impasse but when the end stage stretches out into a seemingly endless future, we call it a "hurting stalemate" which is what we've got in Washington right now.

So how do you break an impasse that may or may not turn into a hurting stalemate?

First of all, you ask yourself and then, if possible, your bargaining partner, what hasn't yet been put on the table. Parties often reach impasse because they're attempting to achieve a hidden goal that they believe their negotiation demand will achieve or help achieve. It's been suggested, for instance, that shutting the government down and then re-opening only those agencies that the Republican party would like to see functioning is not a bad consequence of the parties' failure to reach agreement, but a hidden goal. If you take a look at the list of agencies shut down, you'll see there at least half of the GOP target list for ending or lessening government regulation. The Department of Education. The Environmental Protection Agency. And that department Rick Perry couldn't recall was on his hit list during the Presidential debates.

If you have a bargaining partner who is in fact achieving a goal - as collateral damage - that it might not otherwise be able to implement, you need to surface the hidden agenda. Remembering the importance of face-saving for a partner who may have backed himself into a corner, it's best to first raise the hidden agenda behind closed doors. Any negotiation in which all items to be traded are not on the table is a failed or sub-optimal bargaining session.

Face. We have a saying among my people that you can't save your face and your ass at the same time. Although there's real freedom on the other side of losing "face," few people are willing to go in that direction. It usually takes the total and complete collapse of your particular house of cards before you're ready to see the benefit of coming clean. That being the case, you've got to help your negotiation partner save face and you can't do that by airing a commercial comparing your opponent to a squalling baby during the national broadcast of a Sunday football game. 

Bad move, Dems.

How might the GOP save face while backing down from the brink of economic disaster? Give them victory. They won the sequestration round of the Obama vs. the House negotiation. Give it to them. They already have it. Don't praise them. Complain about their victory far more often than you're doing now. 

The far right Tea Party politicians are not worried about re-election but the Democrats potential Republican allies (the moderates) are terrified of losing their seats if they vote . . . well . . . moderately. Find a way to provide them with election protection. I believe this has been done several times before with the actual infusion of funds into certain politicians campaign coffers. It's also been done with political support from hidden stakeholders. The Chamber of Commerce, for instance, once a hidden stakeholder, has now come out in support of re-opening the government and authorizing a raise in the debt ceiling. Good for it. Wall Street too has been putting pressure on the right to avoid the danger a shut-down and a subsequent default would have on the world economy.

We're talking about interest-based, mutual benefit negotiation strategy and tactics here. It's not rocket science. What are your bargaining partners interests - what do they fear, value, prioritize, prefer, and, need. What do you have of high value to them (giving them a victory) and low cost to you (giving them a victory they already won).

Finally, there's "spin." That old Washington game we litigators and negotiators call "framing."

For god's sake, please stop calling the damn act Obama Care. Did the administration not see the Jimmy Kimmel episode where, when given a choice, random folks on Hollywood Blvd. said they liked the "Affordable Care Act" but despised "ObamaCare."

As Dick Draper recommends - if you don't like the conversation you're having, change it!

Finally, as the television ads being run on cable in Republican strongholds last week amply demonstrated (as if we didn't already know) the Tea Party's marching orders weren't to govern but to bring Obama down. Why not give them Obama's virtual head on a platter?

Count up everything the Obama administration lost due to GOP opposition since his '08 election. Treat it as news. Because visuals are so important, particularly to the chronically uninformed, actually put Obama's head on a platter and run his defeats over the image. Treat re-opening the government and raising the debt ceiling as magnanimous acts of the GOP in the face of the AntiChrist who would bring the country down to serve his own interests. Give them victory without compromising anything.

There are dozens of other ways to break impasse. But let me stress that prolonging a hurting stalemate is easy. You simply publicly demonize the "other guy" and dance the macarena over his grave. 

JUST. STOP. IT.

And put into practice those best negotiation strategies and tactics that I guarantee you every politician knows.

*W&C is one of the top law firms for women and has earned its designation as such.

Kick Your Network Up a Notch in Santa Monica on October 17

 

YOU'RE INVITED TO AN EVENING OF PURPOSEFUL NETWORKING, COCKTAILS & HEALTHY SKIN ON OCTOBER 17
On Thursday, October 17th, please join me and seven #RemarkableWomen co-hosts for an evening of creating new opportunities through new relationships (click to tweet)--in partnership with our fabulous sponsor, Dermalogica. Don't miss out on this opportunity to meet our amazing group of co-hosts and mentors trail blazing in fitness, wellness, entrepreneurship, fashion, social change, marketing, social media, tech and more (see below for list). Plus, form new relationships with fellow attendees who, like you, are passionate about helping women. Whether it's meeting new clients or partners, making introductions, gaining insight into an industry or advice that can propel you to the next level- that's what happens at our events. SPACE IS LIMITED. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER (cocktails & gift bag included!)
Click on each name to learn more about each #RemarkableWoman you'll meet!
Madeline Di Nonno, Executive Director, The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media & See Jane Do
Katie Rosen, Editor in Chieft & Co-founder, FabFitFun
Jennifer Sprague, VP of Marketing at BGBGMAXAZRIA
Heather Dorak, Owner, Pilates Platinum
Victoria Pynchon, Author & Consultant, She Negotiates Consulting and Training
Chelsea Krost, Radio/TV Talk Show Host & MillennialSspokesperson
Alexis Levine, Founder, Savvy Media

YOU'RE INVITED TO AN EVENING OF PURPOSEFUL NETWORKING HOSTED BY CLAUDIA CHAN (RIGHT) AND SEVEN OTHER #REMARKABLE WOMEN + COCKTAILS + HEALTHY SKIN ON OCTOBER 17

On Thursday, October 17th, please join Claudia Chan and seven #RemarkableWomen co-hosts for an evening of creating new opportunities through new relationships (click to tweet)--in partnership with our fabulous sponsor, Dermalogica.

Don't miss out on this opportunity to meet Claudia's amazing group of co-hosts and mentors trail blazing in fitness, wellness, entrepreneurship, fashion, social change, marketing, social media, tech and more (see below for list).

Plus, form new relationships with fellow attendees who, like you, are passionate about helping women. Whether it's meeting new clients or partners, making introductions, gaining insight into an industry or advice that can propel you to the next level- that's what happens at our events.

SPACE IS LIMITED. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER (cocktails & gift bag included!)

Click here again and scroll down to learn more about each #RemarkableWoman you'll meet!

Madeline Di Nonno, Executive Director, The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media & See Jane Do

Katie Rosen, Editor in Chief & Co-founder, FabFitFun

Jennifer Sprague, VP of Marketing at BGBGMAXAZRIA

Heather Dorak, Owner, Pilates Platinum

Victoria Pynchon, Author & Consultant, She Negotiates Consulting and Training

Chelsea Krost, Radio/TV Talk Show Host & MillennialSspokesperson

Alexis Levine, Founder, Savvy Media

About Claudia Chan!!

Referred to as “the aspirational Facebook for women” by Forbes.com, “SHE Who Must Be Obeyed” by the The Daily Beast, “Intrepid Woman” by The Glass Hammer, “a motivational media head women in charge” by Cosmopolitan Magazine--Claudia has been featured in countless media outlets including the Aol/PBS initiative “Makers: Women Who Make America.” She also speaks on women’s leadership at corporations, universities, conferences and is looking forward to her first TEDx talk in Fall 2013.

Why Professional Men Make More Money Than Their Female Peers

I'm not going to say that the inexcusable delta between women professionals' compensation and that of their male peers is entirely women's responsibility, but here's what the Harvard Program on Negotiation suggests at least part of cause for that delta among physicians is.

In the context of negotiation, professors John Rizzo of Stony Brook University and Richard Zeckhauser of Harvard University asked a group of young physicians about their reference groups and salary aspirations.

Male physicians compared themselves to reference groups that earned higher salaries than the ones female physicians selected.

In addition, men’s salary reference points were more indicative than women’s of how much they earned later.

Finally, women tend to compare themselves to particular individuals whom they know, while men tend to assess themselves according to information about typical behavior.

Here's a simple solution to this problem. Research your market value in your specialty in your geographic area on payscale.com or glassdoor.com. If those resources aren't sufficient, pick up the telephone and make a few inquiries about compensation in your area.

Here's what I ask when I do this for clients.

Hi, I'm Vickie Pynchon. I'm a ___________ (attorney, author, consultant - whatever seems the best identity to get an answer to my question). I'm doing some market research on compensation for software designers/commercial litigators/OB-GYNs. Can you give me an idea of what people in that area with X years of experience are making/charging clients/etc.

Problem solved.

See how easy that was?

Competing? Use What You've Got, Ladies!

From today's Careerist post.

Men take more risks when faced with an attractive female opponent. At least in the game of chess. Research from Stockholm University finds that male chess players take riskier moves when they face an attractive female opponent.(Remember that steamy scene where Faye Dunaway, right, played chess against Steve McQueen in The Thomas Crown Affair? Does anyone remember who won?)

Unfortunately, the risk didn't pay off for the male players' performance. Women, however, weren't affected by the attractiveness of their opponent. (Harvard Business Review blog)

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