Negotiation Law Blog

1. I will practice restraint of tongue and pen
2. When my anger flashes, I will pause to remember that behind every accusation is a plea for help
3. When in the midst of a rancorous debate, I will remember to ask for the story behind the opinion
4. I will remember that each of my fellows is struggling with burdens that, if known, would cause me to respond to them with far greater kindness
5. I will remember that I, too, am subject to fundamental attribution error - over-ascribing intention to those whose behavior causes me real or perceived harm and over-ascribing circumstance to any behavior of mine that causes others real or perceived harm
6. I will strive to practice my primary occupational purpose:  to stay emotionally sober and to help others achieve emotional sobriety
7. When I do cause others harm, I will promptly admit my part in it, apologize, make amends and strive to avoid similar behavior in the future
8. Of the primary responses to conflict -- suppression, avoidance, yielding, resolution, transcendence and transformation, I will strive for resolution, transcendence or transformation
9. I will keep in mind that it is usually better to be happy than to be right
10. I will strive to accept the things I cannot change; to rise to the challenge of changing the things I can, and to seek the wisdom necessary to know the difference.

More conflict resolution meditations for the New Year here (at John Lassey's ADR Weblog) here (announcing the CPR Annual Meeting with keynote speaker Kenneth Feinberg, recently appointed as President Obama’s “Compensation Czar” to oversee executive compensation at companies receiving federal bailout assistance); here (Innovative Conflict Resolution's first post of 2010 - about conflict "left-overs"); here (Jeff Thompson's Enjoy Mediation rolling out a new blog template for the New Year); here (the Peace Talks Radio Series special on Seeking Peace on Earth); and, here (Amerika on Conflict Avoidance and How to Avoid it).

Two of my favorite bloggers ended their blog-year with gratitude for fellow bloggers - thanks for the shout out John DeGroote at the brilliant and necessary Settlement Perspectives (A Simple Thank You); and the Loree Reinsurance and Arbitration Law Forum's Acknowledging Some Kind Mentions from Our Fellow Bloggers).

O.K., Ladies and Gentlemen:  start your 2010 engines; it's going to be a busy and productive year!  Lord knows there's lots of conflict resolution work to do.

Check out Kris Dunn's recent blog post at the HR Capitalist Retail and Religion - Now Inhibiting the Negotiation Skills of an HR Pro Near You...

Though the reasons given for our negotiation hesitancy are insightful and, I believe, spot on, the post moved me to more or less use the HR Capitalist Blog's comment section to write today's post.  Here's the intro to Retail and Religion.

Have you ever noticed how bad a lot of Americans are at negotiating?  I don't mean the type of negotiation you're doing on eBay right now; I mean real negotiation.  The kind where if you're going to win, somebody has to lose.  Where every dollar you save or gain comes right out of someone else's pocket.  The type of negotiation where you are telling someone directly, either face to face or on the phone, what's acceptable and what's not.

Though my response will not surprise my readers, I'm hoping it will spark a conversation at the HR Capitalist.  The intro to my comment here:

Thanks for raising negotiation skills as a matter worthy of discussion among HR professionals. Let me suggest, however, that savvy, money-saving, value-enhancing negotiation strategy and tactics are rarely of the competitive zero-sum variety.

A few bedrock principles of value-enhancing collaborative problem-solving negotiation include: (a) a dollar is not a dollar, i.e., everyone has a different subjective experience of money and its source; the reason for its payment; the timing of its receipt; and, the degree to which it fairly reflects value are just a few of the variables that can make one dollar feel like $10 or $100,000 feel like a slap in the face; (b) HR professionals and their employers possess items of value which are often of greater worth to employees than the cost of the thing to the employer - this means that employees can be compensated $1.00 in value with something that costs the employer 50 cents or, even better, with something that costs the employer absolutely nothing (expressions of gratitude; the inclusion of employees in the decision-making process when the decision will affect the working environment and so on); and, (c) most people are more interested in how their compensation compares to others who do the same or similar work than they are in the unadorned dollar value of their compensation - this I learned from sitting in compensation committee meetings in law firms where litigation partners would become enraged by a $200,000 year end bonus for the sole reason that another partner received a $500,000 year end bonus. It wasn't about money; it was about fairness.

So, do we need to screw up our courage, drop our hesitancy, and go bravely forth into competitive, distributive zero-sum bargaining session to prove our negotiation moxie?

For the answer - or at least one possible answer - to this question, click here.

For further human resource lessons from the recently released "Up in the Air" see today's post at Pension Risk Matters - "Up in the Air" - Stark Reality about Employee-Employer Relationship and last week's post at Schau's Mediation Insights, Does Staying Neutral Require Staying "Up in the Air."

Click on the image for the link to the Public Conversations Project and join me in my New Year's resolutions to focus on our similarities and common interests rather than on our differences and conflicting goals; find common ground; share the experiences from which our opinions dervice (our stories); set aside argument in favor of dialogue; remember that each one of us is struggling with some great burden despite outward appearances; and, that squeezing the last nickel or concession out of our bargaining partner fails to recognize that we are all in this together.

For the many spiritual holidays being celebrated at year's end, I offer my own favorite prayer from my own religious upbringing, the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Happy Hannukah, Kwanza, Festivus, Solstice, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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I’m migrating the IP ADR Blog to a new Blog Home called Commercial ADR – Business Solutions to Justice Problems.  I’ll continue to post articles to the Settle It Now Negotiation Blog on matters of general interest to negotiators, including litigators who negotiate the settlement of lawsuits.

After three years of negotiation and general ADR blogging, I feel the need to narrow my Negotiation Blog posts and expand my IP ADR Blog posts to the type of work that consumed the vast bulk of my 25-year litigation and trial career – general commercial litigation.

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Yes, we do appreciate being appreciated so thanks to my great good virtual pal and construction attorney Christopher Hill for this post, Personal Thoughts on Construction Mediation.  Not only could I not have said it better myself, I've never been able to say it this succinctly.

Why does mediation work?  For several reasons that I can think of [including] the flexibility to make a business decision.  Commercial contractors and subcontractors are in a business, and they should be making business decisions.  While one such decision can be to go to litigation; litigation is not always the best solution from a financial, or stress perspective.  Construction professionals, with the assistance of construction attorneys, can come up with a creative way to deal with a problem and solve it.

Read full post at the link above.