In the ABC's of Conflict Resolution, "D" is for Drama Queen
Here's another character who everyone will recognize. The Drama Queen. Male or female, those who "stir up" conflict to add a little dramatic flair to an otherwise boring day, do so for a predictable set of reasons.
Before dissecting the guy who's the first to spread the word that George is being fired for "cooking the books," and tells Crystal that the office manager has it in for her at the same time he tells the office manager that Crystal covets her job, let's briefly return to the conflict "basics" outlined in chapter one.
A conflict exists whenever two or more people believe that their needs (or desires) cannot be satisfied at the same time. They see all relationships as zero sum games. The social scientists would say that such people are in a constant state of "perceived relative deprivation." They are deprived in relationship to their fellows.
We all live in a state of relative deprivation. We drive a Honda while our neighbor drives a BMW. We rent while our best friend owns. Our salary is less than six figures. The guy in the office next to us is making 200 grand. Other people have been given more talent, better luck, more resources, superior business and professional networks, and, of course, more loving and supportive families. And yet these "relative" deprivations do not always result in disputes. Not unless we name, blame and claim.
Naming, Blaming and Claiming
As we said in chapter one, "conflicts" over scarce resources do not ripen into disputes until we suffer a perceived injurious event such as failing to get in to the school of our choice; being rejected by an employer we hoped to work for; having our lavish dinner party go unreciprocated, or watching someone else take our parking space! When we begin to suspect that we have been injured, we start looking around for the source of that injury -- someone to name as the cause, to blame for the loss and from whom to claim redress.
Name, blame, claim.
The Drama Queen in the Field of Conflict
Of the primary responses to conflict -- denying, avoiding, yielding, problem solving, and contending -- the Drama Queen almost always chooses contention. Contentious responses to conflict include ingratiation or gamesmanship, shaming, threats, promises or arguments, and coercive commitments or violence. All of these tactics are employed to overpower the will of another to get what the contender wants.
Meet Drama Queen John. He's your colleague who has recently been assigned to work on the same project you have. You are calm, well-organized, efficient and productive. John is impulsive, chaotic, inefficient and un-productive. You've never understood why John has lasted as long as he has at this job. "Maybe he's the owner's brother-in-law" you've speculated -- but only to yourself.
As a good team player, you've been keeping your own counsel. You've mentioned neither your opinions about John nor your irritation with him to your co-workers. You've been careful in all your interactions with John not to show your annoyance. You've been "getting along and going along" while at the same time trying to keep your eye on the prize -- the successful completion of the project that's been entrusted to you.
For all your caution, things start to go wrong on the first day. That very afternoon your supervisor Jamie drops by your office to mention that your teammate Gina is complaining about your domineering style. The following week, you hear that George is saying you didn't deserve the bonus you received last year. Someone has suggested that you have a "special" relationship with the divisional vice-president. By week three, the team meetings have become tense. People with whom you've long worked well eye you suspiciously when you enter the room. And John is uncharacteristically cheerful.
What Happened Here?
Unless someone talks to John about his dissatisfaction, we'll never quite know why he's been spreading rumors about you and creating ill-feeling between you and your team mates. Still, we can make a few fair assumptions based on our knowledge of the social psychology of conflict.
For whatever reason, John appears to have named you as the source of some dissatisfaction in his worklife. He's blamed you for that dissatisfaction and is actively claiming something from you. In this case, his claim -- though negative and likely self-destructive -- comes in the form of personal satisfaction.
What does someone like John get out of demonizing you to your workmates? The perverse satisfaction of exercising control, of making a drab office day momentarily dramatic, and, of exacting revenge from someone he's cast in the role of adversary. John's hallmark characteristic is a lack of control. Remember that he's disorganized, chaotic, impulsive and unproductive. When he's able to create an atmosphere of suspicion about you, he's momentarily achieved the thing he most lacks, the thing you appear to have, the thing he believes people like you have deprived him of -- control.
Though you needn't pity the poor Drama Queen, now that you know what drives him, you have some chance of engaging him in a productive conversation about his workplace behavior; a conversation that will make your work life far more cheerful and friendly.
Below, the Conflict Map outlining some of the concepts discussed here -- scroll down to the second page.
Conflict Map - Get more documents
I've got a little series on 
The ABA Section of Dispute Resolution Presents The 10th Annual Spring Conference Pacific Currents: Sound Perspectives on ADR .jpg)
The No Asshole Rule
How to Spot and Deal with Jerks
Create a Blueprint for a Bullying Free Workplace
Defining and Legislating Bullying
Yes, There are Ways to Reform Workplace Jerks
For the complete article 
Eric van Ginkel
AAA
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