She Negotiates the End of the Glass Ceiling



How do we "sell" the nation on the idea that women's work is as valuable as men's? Despite the fact that 90 years have passed since women were given the vote and 40 since an entire generation of women raised their voices against unequal treatment under the law, we continue to make a third of what our men do.

What's up with that? and why the Coke ad?

What's up with that is this: we're not negotiating our true market value because we believe it is worth one-third less than men believe their true market value to be. That's what the research shows. Instead of getting angry, let's finally "get even" by learning our true market value; gathering the tools to ask for it; and, then just go get it.

That's what Lisa Gates and I are up to over at She Negotiates ~ our four-week online coached negotiation class for women. First, we give you the tools to re-calibrate your market value. Then we teach you how to get it. It's a simple as that.

Why the Coke ad?

Coca-Cola, one of the most successful products ever to grace our planet, wasn't always a world-wide beauty pageant winner. It once had to sell itself. It's SODA POP for goodness sakes. But it didn't sell itself as soda pop. It sold itself as the staff of life ~ bread. It wasn't a luxury ~ something our then-post-depression post-war parents were not keen on buying. It was a necessity.

So how do we sell ourselves as necessary to the economy and as valuable as bread and butter? Come on over to She Negotiates and we'll teach you how.

Our next course begins on September 13 and you can take it in your jammies! A warning: this is no ordinary e-class. It's a lot of hard work.

If you're ready to upset the apple cart and apply a little elbow grease to the gears and levers of a society that still fails to recognize our value, come on by!

Our best for yet another new beginning,

Vickie Pynchon and Lisa Gates
She Negotiates Consulting and Training

Negotiating Women on Blog Talk Radio Tonight (8/24) at 8 p.m. EDT

Cross-posted at She Negotiates.

At 8 PM Women on the Move gets down to business with attorney Victoria Pynchon, author of the Settle It Now Negotiation Blog, who has been called a “master of conflict resolution and deposition skills.”

Victoria recently became a regular contributor to Forbes.com’s “On the Docket” column.

You can call in with questions! 

Call-in Number: (347) 857-2102

An Open Letter to Women ADR Professionals to Join Us at the WLALA Gala on September 16

Dear Fabulous Women Neutrals of Los Angeles:

One last time!! before the door closes on the opportunity to have your picture in the WLALA Tribute book and to share two tables with your fellow neutrals at the WLALA annual Installation Dinner and Gala. 

I have three more places at the table and on that ad.  I need your check for $175 and a .jpg by Friday to put you in it!  Please, let's show WLALA how eager we are to cross-refer business.

This is a particularly good year to join us as we begin the first WLALA ADR initiative in its nearly 100 year history.

ONE HUNDRED YEARS! of women lawyers - way past time to reach and firmly occupy the higher reaches of the profession.  We've been graduating from the nation's law schools in nearly equal numbers with men for more than 20 years.  My own U.C. law school class (King Hall, '80) was 50% women thirty years ago.

The ADR pipeline is full of competent -- indeed glorious -- women.  Yet the statistics at the top remain grim.

Chopped Liver?

Why is your ADR practice not everything that Tony Piazza's or Eric Green's or even Steve Cerveris' is?  Research shows that both men and women have negative implicit attitudes toward women in leadership and authority positionsThe good news is that women are slightly less pre-disposed than are men to picture a man in a suit when they're looking for access to money and power.  I've had at least half a dozen women commercial litigators look straight at me and say "I don't know any women mediators."

Huh????

Followed by, "well their names are never on the lists [circulated in my firm]."

Women, with their slightly reduced inability to "see" women in authority positions, are our foot in the door. And the new WLALA ADR Committee is our opportunity to open that door wide.

As a member of the CPR-led Joint Task Force on Diversity, I have heard the verdict of JAMS and the AAA.  "The market has spoken.  Commercial lawyers just don't hire women and minorities."

What????

We're advocates, for goodness sakes.  When we come into town we have to register our skills of persuasion with local law enforcement authorities.  We're change agents, opinion makers, powerful holders of the keys to the kingdom. 

And the market has spoken? 


We make the market!


This year's ADR Committee is dedicated to closing the gaping void between men and women neutrals.  We're not going to ask for special treatment, picket the LASC's ADR office, pass new laws or burn our ADR certificates, Super Lawyer plaques, Ivy League diplomas, or our bras (not at this age!)

We're going to market like no one has ever marketed before and we're going to do so as a group so that we don't each hesitate, as we women tend to do, to promote ourselves and our services.


2010 and 2011 will be the years in which top women will refer to other top women.  2010 and 2011 will be the years in which we close the income gap not only between men and women neutrals but between men and women lawyers (its 40% at the top).  2010 and 2011 will be the years in which we make a market younger women lawyers will be entering in the next decade and the one after that -- one in which they'll flourish after they grow weary of fighting over interrogatory objections and e-discovery.

How?

Marketing.  Proctor and Gamble does  not say, "well, the market doesn't want a new improved laundry detergent."  P&G asks "how?" not "can we?"  And it certainly never says "we give up, the market has spoken."

We're putting our first stake in the ground on September 16 at the  WLALA Gala.  There's no event more important for women neutrals to attend this year. 

Our current attendees will appear in two full-page ads in the Tribute Book and two color flyers to be distributed at the dinner. 

To date those women are Eleanor Barr, Joan Kessler, Lynne Bassis, Katherine Edwards, Laurel Kaufer, Linda Klibanow, Denise Madigan, Stephanie Maloney, Deborah Rothman, Jan Frankel Schau, Gretchen Taylor, Caroline Vincent, Diane Wayne, Linda Bulmash, Lisa Gates (my She Negotiates business partner), Kathy Balin, and Erica Bristol. 

We need three more women neutrals to fill table two.  If you want to sit at another table, ask a woman litigator to change places with you while whispering "cross-refer" in her ear.  The key is that you'll be there to network.  You'll show your support to WLALA by showing up and WLALA women (among the most entrepreneurial in the Bar) will see your beautiful face and panel affiliation or business name in the  Tribute Book while enduring the inevitably tedious speeches at these events. 

Do you want to double your income by 2012?  If we've lasted this long in a profession that was solidly male when so many of us were in high school, we can close this gap by coming together and just doing it.

And if the $175 is too steep a price during these recessionary times or if you'll be out of town or otherwise engaged on the 16th of September, please let me know that you want to be a member of the new WLALA Committee by return email.

Our first event will be an afternoon on arbitration in October with CPR CEO Kathy Bryan and other powerful women attorneys, GC's and CEO's who arbitrate, either as advocates, as clients or as arbitrators.  The panel will be moderated by complex-commercial AAA arbitrator Deborah Rothman.

Shock me!  Let's fill Table Three!!

I look forward to hearing from you and to kicking the last pitiful shards out of that darn glass ceiling.

Best,

Vickie

Victoria Pynchon, Esq., Incoming Chair, WLALA ADR Committee
ADR Services, Inc. and She Negotiates Consulting and Training

L.A. Mediators and the LASC Pro Bono Panel

Spoiler alert:  this will ramble, so anyone who wants a quick shot of mediation or negotiation advice, do come back soon.

The Back Story

When I first dipped my big toe into mediation's waters by taking Mediating the Litigated Case in a downtown hotel ballroom back in the Spring of 2004, generous attorney-mediators like Jeff Kichaven, Laurel Kaufer, Bob Steinberg, Jan Frankel Schau, Steve Cerveris, and Deborah Rothman all arrived on the beachhead of my new profession with advice, support, empathy, and warnings.  Starting a new profession, particularly one that is entrepreneurial, is just like moving into a new neighborhood and these wonderful mediators were my Welcome Wagon (for which I will always be grateful).

It didn't take me long to learn where the landmines were buried. And a lot of them surrounded the perimeter of the downtown Los Angeles Superior Court.  There's an mediation pro bono panel there where new mediators can first practice their new trade, learning the skills, picking up best practices, and, beginning to build a reputation for excellence among the litigation and trial bar.  This was all good and I was grateful for the opportunity to have cases referred to me to test my new-found mediation knowledge and growing skill-set.  Never mind that I was paid to practice my new legal trade as soon as I'd passed the Bar.  I understood that this was a kind of internship and I was happy for the opportunity to serve.

My new mentors, however, as well as pretty much everyone else I met, had some dire warnings about conflict between panel mediators and the Superior Court.  Conflict?!?  By May of 2004 (a month after I'd finished my first mediation class) I'd enrolled in the Master of Laws program at the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution, not because I thought it would give me a necessary credential, but because I was on fire for this new field of study. 

How could there be simmering conflict in a community of conflict resolvers, I repeatedly asked, long before I realized (once again) that people chose their occupations at least in part to work on improving their ability to handle situations that baffle them.  Yes, we conflict resolvers were, like therapists, "wounded healers."  We had conflict issues!

The Problem

The problem that existed when I entered the mediation profession was this - the pro bono panel had been providing free mediation services to Los Angeles lawyers for years.  There are a set of understandable and complex reasons for the initial "decision" to ask L.A. citizens (panel members are not necessarily lawyers) to provide free mediation services on behalf of the Court to the organized bar. Those reasons, and the unresolved conflict that existed in 2004, are the same today as they were then - witness Jeff Kichaven's recent Daily Journal article excoriating the maintenance of this free service once again, this time on behalf of women and minorities.

Here's the intro to Jeff's article:

August 13, 2010 DIVERSITY IN MEDIATION:HERE'S HOW By Jeff Kichaven

There's a problem with mediation. The profession is almost lily-white, and about as male as the Green Bay Packers. In our age of diversity, this has to change. Here's how it won't, and also how it can.

Most importantly, it won't change by itself. In mediation, as in other professions, women and minorities are concentrated at the entry and junior levels. In these economic times, it's harder for these newer mediators to break in. The market is shrinking, not growing. Many of the law firms that hire mediators have shrunk. Others have closed. We are not in an economy where a rising tide of demand can lift all mediators' boats.

Worse, these newer mediators are increasingly being asked to work for free. Court-annexed mediation programs - in which newer mediators work for free, or for below-market rates in order to develop their reputations - are growing. For example, on May 3, 2010, the Central District of California announced: "The ADR 'Pilot Program' is no more. We have made the long overdue change of deleting the 'pilot' designation. You will notice that the website and all forms now simply reference the 'ADR Program.'...any civil case assigned to any judge may be referred to the program, either at the discretion of the assigned judge or at the request of the parties, pursuant to Local Rule 16-15.

My Panel Service

As I said, I was grateful for the opportunities the pro bono panel offered me and for several years worked with the Court (and around it) as well as with the organized bar to find a solution with which everyone could be satisfied (the golden fleece of the mediation profession, after all, solutions by which my needs and your needs can be satisfied simultaneously).  But the problem had reached the intractable, autistic hostility stage by the time I'd come on the scene and only band-aid solutions were entertained with any degree of seriousness by the Court and the organized bar.

Who wants to give up a free service?

After a couple of years of panel service, I quit because I found myself becoming, well, bitter and irritable, that my services were taken for granted by attorneys and clients alike.  More importantly for the "build your business through the pro bono panel" crowd, lawyers who use the pro bono panel don't tend to hire mediators.  They tend to use the pro bono panel.  And their expectation of the caliber of mediators in Los Angeles is predictably low, the entire system having reached the self-fulfilling prophecy stage - the pro bono panel is filled with mediators who do not know their trade well; the LASC "customers" conclude that mediation is not worth the paper it's written on; and, their use of the pro bono panel confirms their existing low opinion of the profession, which supports their unwillingness to pay mediators for services they believe to be worth . . . . well . . . . nothing.

In the meantime, I built a relatively healthy commercial mediation practice, which has suffered, along with all the professions, the effects of the recession.  So I returned to the pro bono panel because I needed the eggs.  I, like many mediators, love my trade.  And I, like all trial lawyers, can't retain my great chops without practice.  So here I am, once again serving the L.A. Superior Court and providing my services to local (and out of state) attorneys and their clients free.

The Canary in the Mineshaft

The Canary in the Mineshaft - Everyone has heard this phrase but not everyone knows its origins.  Miners used to actually bring a canary into the mineshaft with them.  The canary, a delicate creature, would perish from toxic fumes before the miners had a hint that they were in danger.  The miners didn't look at the canary's dead carcass and mutter beneath their breath about how weak the canary was - "damn canary; couldn't take it; weak sister; let's muster on guys."

No, the miners got the hell out of the mineshaft.

My Mineshaft Moment

So I'm pretty busy now.  I write two columns for Forbes.com - well, I blog for one (On the Docket) and write for another, the Forbes Woman, She Negotiates Column.  And I have a new business with a new business partner, Lisa Gates, teaching women how to negotiate.  I have a thriving consulting practice; am being hired to keynote conferences (rather than simply speaking to promote my mediation practice); and, have a book ready for publication (September I'm told) called A is for Asshole, the Grownups' ABC's of Conflict Resolution, which I actually believe will make me a little change.  I'm also the new Chair of the first ADR Committee the Women Lawyers of Los Angeles has ever had; will also be the new chair of the Federal Bar Association's ADR Section in the fall of this year; and, have, for several years, sat by appointment on the State Bar's Standing Committee for Alternative Dispute Resolution.

I'm not bragging.  I'm just saying - in a down economy when your mediation and arbitration practice isn't filling your plate full-time, you enter what former New Yorker editor Tina Brown calls the "gig economy."   And I'm very very busy even though my busy-ness does not always mean that I am making money.  My pro bono activities are now mostly confined to representing the interests of my fellow ADR practitioners and spreading the holy grail of interest-based collaborative negotiation, particularly for women, who I encourage to stop undervaluing their services.

This is going to explain why I finally voiced my irritation at well-heeled attorneys (my market for goodness sakes) to whom I was assigned by the pro bono panel to help them settle a $10+ million complex multi-party anti-trust dispute (the details of which will be altered in their superficial detail to protect mediation confidentiality).  None of these attorneys, by the way, knew that the pro bono panel is filled not only with attorneys, but also with non-attorneys who were highly unlikely to grasp the complex and sophisticated legal and factual issues in the case they asked asked a pro bono mediator to handle. This, I believe, should be a sign to the Superior Court that their attempts to educate the Bar about the panel need improvement.

If you've gotten this far, you'll likely be happy to wait for the conclusion tomorrow.

 

yes we can! negotiate our jobs back! at ForbesWoman

Please don't buy me retail

My friend's Women's Bar Association is looking for a speaker. 

They wanted that other woman who speaks on the topic of women negotiating.  You know the one . . . what's her name.  Yes, that's her.  The annual meeting committee gave her a ring and she quoted them $10,000 for an hour keynote.  To be fair, an hour keynote takes all day.  First, you've got to travel, then stay over night, then, if you're really serious about being of service to women lawyers, you get up early and listen to the morning speaker, talk to your table mates, find out what their challenges are, and, then alter, ever so slightly, your noon keynote to deliver exactly what this particular unique group of women need to hear.  You stay after, of course, to answer questions and sell copies of your book, which is, after all, your time, the time you'd be spending anyway spreading the good news that women can negotiate away the glass ceiling and the pay gap and their kids' private school tuitions.  Because that's just how you roll.  So it's never just an hour.

Still.

$10,000. 

"Did you negotiate with her?" I asked.

"The search committee didn't even try," said my friend.  "They figured her price was retail."

I don't mind being second choice.  That other woman, well, shoot, she pretty much started the whole women-negotiating-revolution.  I get it.  So I gave my quote and added, "but I'm not a suit on a hanger at Bloomies.  You don't have to buy me retail.  Remember some of what I taught you about money and value."

"Uhhhhh, make an aggressive first offer?"

"Well, yes.  But that's not what I'm talking about here.  I'm talking about the money is meaningless lesson.  You remember.  You can't eat or drink it.  It won't actually do the surgery nor build an addition to your house.  Remember how it just evaporated overnight right before George Bush left office?  Remember how your house was worth $500,000 on Monday and two fifty on Tuesday?

'Money has a value only because we give it value.  It's only worth what we say it's worth.

"Uhhhh . . . . "

"O.K.  I know.  I talk too much and too vaguely."

Here's the deal.  My price is X + expenses.  That's negotiable.  I don't tell you it's negotiable because as soon as I do you'll start negotiating!  And since it was me who taught you to negotiate, I'm not wild about bargaining with you.  The desire to teach is way to strong in me.

"I'm negotiable.  So is that other woman, the one whose book title is Ask for It!  And money isn't the only measure of value.  It would also be of value to me for your women's bar association to sell my book.  Of course I'll bring it with me to autograph and the like.  But you could also include it on your invitations.  If someone in your Bar Association blogs, they could give it a review.  If you haven't already pledged that you wouldn't give away anyone's email address, you could give me your mailing list so I can stay in touch with your members.  Each of your members also has her own network.  We could brainstorm about ways that you could give me the benefit of my pre-speech networking acumen to get more women to your convention.  It's hard to sell seats these days.  How many people are you expecting?  What if we double that?  Could you pay me my full fee then?

"None of us is a suit on a rack.  And what we can do for one another is so much greater than opening our wallets and shelling out a few dollars that money sometimes seems just laughable.  So let me say this again.  I know you've heard it before but I want to highlight it here again.

"I am a store of value and you are too.  My network, my social capital is a store of the store of value of each member in it.  And in that, you and I are both rich.

"Got it?"

My friend, my student, is smiling, even though I can't see that over the telephone.

"I got it."

"Now what was that offer again?"

 The next game changing She Negotiates workshop is still open for a few last-minute members.  We start on Monday.  Don't be a suit on a rack.  Join us!

(cross posted at She Negotiates)

Negotiating Women's Leadership with the PLUS Foundations

She Negotiates Holds an Open House with Door Prizes!!

Do come visit us and consider enrolling in our July 19, month-long, coached negotiation course here.

The blog, which is today offering prizes, is here.

Testimonials

It's the quality instruction, real world experience, and bevy of resources brought to you by Victoria Pynchon that makes this course a stand out. On the internet a lot of people purport to deliver courses that will 'transform your life' or 'bring you to a new level in your business,' but often prove to be nothing more than advertising vehicles to enhance their lives and not yours. Victoria, with the support of that fabulous woman behind the Craving Balance curtain, Lisa Gates, has created a real winner with this course. And yes, it is transformative--it changes your beliefs about what you're capable of doing and having, because you're given the know-how and tools to make it happen."

Doreen Lima, Wildly Successful Personal & Professional Development

 "I am embarrassed to admit that I had only a glimmer of the science behind the negotiation process. And I had not given much thought to how often we bargain every single day in every part of our lives. Victoria has opened my eyes and helped me to fill a huge gap in my business and life tools. The change in my attitude toward money was a surprising bonus! I no longer dread talking about the fees I charge for my services. I may never eagerly embrace negotiation, but I no longer fear it and better yet, I appreciate and enjoy the process now. Thanks to She Negotiates, I am making great bargains and walking away when I say it’s the right time."

CaZ of Writing Bytes and 2 Chicks at Home

"Thank you so much Vickie and Lisa for raising my level of awareness of the power of negotiation, for helping me re-examine my self worth, and for encouraging me to stand up for my bottom line and not be swayed by someone else's bottom line."

Lori Lacey, Corporate Learning Specialist and Coach

"I learned more during this hands-on negotiating course than in another higher-priced class I took. Victoria and Lisa helped me make the emotional changes necessary to demand a higher value for my work, and taught a step by step process for getting the most from sales negotiations." 

Linda Gryczan, Mediator

 "Victoria and Lisa are an amazing team. Their individual areas of expertise create the perfect blend and balance for understanding the subtle nuances of the art and science of negotiation, and they do so in a way that is fearless and authentic. Thank you for this incredible opportunity. You've empowered me and I am grateful."

Debra Healy, Beaverton, Oregon

Fincher on Diversity on Mid-Summer Night's Eve

The Next Craving Balance Negotiation Workshop Starts July 19

Lisa Gates of Craving Balance and I are doing it again!  An entire month of negotiation classes that will change your life. 

When Lisa and I planned our first month-long course (you can see the testimonials here) I told her that the women participating in it would make back the cost of the class in the first negotiation they conducted after the course ended.

I was wrong.

They made it back before the course was over  it back.  One participant said after the first weekly group teleconference,

I could drop out now and feel that I'd gotten more than what I paid for.

The response to our second course (now starting its third week) is even more powerful.  So powerful that an attorney I ran into at the recent WLALAPalooza event said,

I took your 90-minute free teleseminar and tripled my hourly rate in response.  I just did it today!  I'm so excited and so proud of myself!

So we've decided not to let the grass grow under our feet or yours.  We're offering the course again - with a  money-back guarantee - beginning on July 19.

Continue Reading...