prisons of peace
Can we afford not to learn and teach these skills? Cross-posted at She Negotiates.
three is the magic number . . .
. . . and the Supreme Court has it. Check out The Female Factor over at Slate (excerpt below):
Social scientists contend that the difference is more than just cosmetic. They cite a 2006 study by the Wellesley Centers for Women that found three to be the magic number when it came to the impact of having women on corporate boards: After the third woman is seated, boards reach a tipping point at which the group as a whole begins to function differently. According to Sumru Erkut, one of the authors of that study, the small group as a whole becomes more collaborative and more open to different perspectives. In no small part, she writes, that's because once a critical mass of three women is achieved on a board, it's more likely that all of the women will be heard. In other words, it's not that females bring any kind of unitary women's perspective to the board—there's precious little evidence that women think fundamentally differently from men about business or law—but that if you seat enough women, the question of whether women deserve the seat finally goes away. And women claim they are finally able to speak openly when they don't feel their own voice is meant to be the voice of all women.
Over at She Negotiates, we use the power of women to support, encourage, cheer and brainstorm in every class we offer, with the greatest power coming to and from our post-graduate Negotiation Master Classes which are limited to only four women. For additional information about how you can use woman-power to improve your bottom line, contact either Lisa or Vickie using our contact form or catch either one of us at our direct numbers.
This isn't about gender-war, this is about human peace and prosperity!
Thanks to Bruce Moyer, the Federal Bar Association's Government Relations Counsel for the head's up on this one.
She Negotiates the End of the Glass Ceiling
How do we "sell" the nation on the idea that women's work is as valuable as men's? Despite the fact that 90 years have passed since women were given the vote and 40 since an entire generation of women raised their voices against unequal treatment under the law, we continue to make a third of what our men do.
What's up with that? and why the Coke ad?
What's up with that is this: we're not negotiating our true market value because we believe it is worth one-third less than men believe their true market value to be. That's what the research shows. Instead of getting angry, let's finally "get even" by learning our true market value; gathering the tools to ask for it; and, then just go get it.
That's what Lisa Gates and I are up to over at She Negotiates ~ our four-week online coached negotiation class for women. First, we give you the tools to re-calibrate your market value. Then we teach you how to get it. It's a simple as that.
Why the Coke ad?
Coca-Cola, one of the most successful products ever to grace our planet, wasn't always a world-wide beauty pageant winner. It once had to sell itself. It's SODA POP for goodness sakes. But it didn't sell itself as soda pop. It sold itself as the staff of life ~ bread. It wasn't a luxury ~ something our then-post-depression post-war parents were not keen on buying. It was a necessity.
So how do we sell ourselves as necessary to the economy and as valuable as bread and butter? Come on over to She Negotiates and we'll teach you how.
Our next course begins on September 13 and you can take it in your jammies! A warning: this is no ordinary e-class. It's a lot of hard work.
If you're ready to upset the apple cart and apply a little elbow grease to the gears and levers of a society that still fails to recognize our value, come on by!
Our best for yet another new beginning,
Vickie Pynchon and Lisa Gates
She Negotiates Consulting and Training
Negotiation is a Conversation Leading to Agreement
From today's "She Negotiates" lesson.
If negotiation is a conversation with agreement as its goal, we should not be wasting our time arguing with one another about whose point of view is the best. We should be talking to one another about how we can both achieve as many of the goals we both want to achieve as a result of our conversation.
You do not have to change anyone's mind to give them what they want to get. And you don't have to grudgingly accept half a loaf (a portion of the pie) if, unbeknownst to one another, you possess five items of value your bargaining partner wants or needs, and your bargaining partner possesses a dozen items of value you want or need. In a really effective negotiation, you may find that together you and your bargaining partner can whip up a dozen pies and end up with more than either of you had imagined.
Wouldn't you like to be learning how to do this instead of working on that sanctions motion for your adversary's bad faith refusal to answer interrogatories?
The next game-changing She Negotiates month-long coached course begins on September 16. Stop trying to change people's minds and start changing the world!
And gentlemen, tell your women friends. Husbands and significant others benefit from this course as well! My own happily came back from the gym the other day saying "I did what you taught me; I got two extra months of gym membership free."
Please don't buy me retail
My friend's Women's Bar Association is looking for a speaker.
They wanted that other woman who speaks on the topic of women negotiating. You know the one . . . what's her name. Yes, that's her. The annual meeting committee gave her a ring and she quoted them $10,000 for an hour keynote. To be fair, an hour keynote takes all day. First, you've got to travel, then stay over night, then, if you're really serious about being of service to women lawyers, you get up early and listen to the morning speaker, talk to your table mates, find out what their challenges are, and, then alter, ever so slightly, your noon keynote to deliver exactly what this particular unique group of women need to hear. You stay after, of course, to answer questions and sell copies of your book, which is, after all, your time, the time you'd be spending anyway spreading the good news that women can negotiate away the glass ceiling and the pay gap and their kids' private school tuitions. Because that's just how you roll. So it's never just an hour.
Still.
$10,000.
"Did you negotiate with her?" I asked.
"The search committee didn't even try," said my friend. "They figured her price was retail."
I don't mind being second choice. That other woman, well, shoot, she pretty much started the whole women-negotiating-revolution. I get it. So I gave my quote and added, "but I'm not a suit on a hanger at Bloomies. You don't have to buy me retail. Remember some of what I taught you about money and value."
"Uhhhhh, make an aggressive first offer?"
"Well, yes. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the money is meaningless lesson. You remember. You can't eat or drink it. It won't actually do the surgery nor build an addition to your house. Remember how it just evaporated overnight right before George Bush left office? Remember how your house was worth $500,000 on Monday and two fifty on Tuesday?
'Money has a value only because we give it value. It's only worth what we say it's worth.
"Uhhhh . . . . "
"O.K. I know. I talk too much and too vaguely."
Here's the deal. My price is X + expenses. That's negotiable. I don't tell you it's negotiable because as soon as I do you'll start negotiating! And since it was me who taught you to negotiate, I'm not wild about bargaining with you. The desire to teach is way to strong in me.
"I'm negotiable. So is that other woman, the one whose book title is Ask for It! And money isn't the only measure of value. It would also be of value to me for your women's bar association to sell my book. Of course I'll bring it with me to autograph and the like. But you could also include it on your invitations. If someone in your Bar Association blogs, they could give it a review. If you haven't already pledged that you wouldn't give away anyone's email address, you could give me your mailing list so I can stay in touch with your members. Each of your members also has her own network. We could brainstorm about ways that you could give me the benefit of my pre-speech networking acumen to get more women to your convention. It's hard to sell seats these days. How many people are you expecting? What if we double that? Could you pay me my full fee then?
"None of us is a suit on a rack. And what we can do for one another is so much greater than opening our wallets and shelling out a few dollars that money sometimes seems just laughable. So let me say this again. I know you've heard it before but I want to highlight it here again.
"I am a store of value and you are too. My network, my social capital is a store of the store of value of each member in it. And in that, you and I are both rich.
"Got it?"
My friend, my student, is smiling, even though I can't see that over the telephone.
"I got it."
"Now what was that offer again?"
The next game changing She Negotiates workshop is still open for a few last-minute members. We start on Monday. Don't be a suit on a rack. Join us!
(cross posted at She Negotiates)
negotiation - it takes courage
(cross posted at She Negotiates)
I asked one of my consulting clients for a testimonial yesterday.
"Anything," she said, "it's genuinely changed the way I do everything. It's not just the shift in my business relationship with [BigBiz, Inc.]. I dumped a boyfriend last week because of our conversations! So, seriously, what would you like me to say?"
My client and I, like the few women commercial litigation clients I had during my twenty-five years as a lawyer (2%?) were quickly becoming friends. And I was proud of her. Truly proud. Like a parent would be.
"I'm proud of you," I finally said, even though I'd been thinking it for weeks. "You've shifted the power in your working relationship and that was difficult to do. You were persistent. You're a first class learner. And you've been brave."
She laughed, the way we women do when we're praised, wanting the moment to pass instead of savoring it a little, particularly when we know deep down we've genuinely achieved something important in our own lives and careers but don't want to appear self-satisfied.
So I said it again. "I'm really proud of you. You've done great work and you never gave up. You didn't fold to the power of BigBiz, Inc. You stood up for yourself."
Continue Reading...She Negotiates Holds an Open House with Door Prizes!!
Do come visit us and consider enrolling in our July 19, month-long, coached negotiation course here.
The blog, which is today offering prizes, is here.
Testimonials
It's the quality instruction, real world experience, and bevy of resources brought to you by Victoria Pynchon that makes this course a stand out. On the internet a lot of people purport to deliver courses that will 'transform your life' or 'bring you to a new level in your business,' but often prove to be nothing more than advertising vehicles to enhance their lives and not yours. Victoria, with the support of that fabulous woman behind the Craving Balance curtain, Lisa Gates, has created a real winner with this course. And yes, it is transformative--it changes your beliefs about what you're capable of doing and having, because you're given the know-how and tools to make it happen."
Doreen Lima, Wildly Successful Personal & Professional Development
"I am embarrassed to admit that I had only a glimmer of the science behind the negotiation process. And I had not given much thought to how often we bargain every single day in every part of our lives. Victoria has opened my eyes and helped me to fill a huge gap in my business and life tools. The change in my attitude toward money was a surprising bonus! I no longer dread talking about the fees I charge for my services. I may never eagerly embrace negotiation, but I no longer fear it and better yet, I appreciate and enjoy the process now. Thanks to She Negotiates, I am making great bargains and walking away when I say it’s the right time."
CaZ of Writing Bytes and 2 Chicks at Home
"Thank you so much Vickie and Lisa for raising my level of awareness of the power of negotiation, for helping me re-examine my self worth, and for encouraging me to stand up for my bottom line and not be swayed by someone else's bottom line."
Lori Lacey, Corporate Learning Specialist and Coach
"I learned more during this hands-on negotiating course than in another higher-priced class I took. Victoria and Lisa helped me make the emotional changes necessary to demand a higher value for my work, and taught a step by step process for getting the most from sales negotiations."
Linda Gryczan, Mediator
"Victoria and Lisa are an amazing team. Their individual areas of expertise create the perfect blend and balance for understanding the subtle nuances of the art and science of negotiation, and they do so in a way that is fearless and authentic. Thank you for this incredible opportunity. You've empowered me and I am grateful."
Debra Healy, Beaverton, Oregon
"Winning" Workplace Arguments is Really Just Consensus Building
In Workplace Negotiating Secrets From Bethenny's Shrink over at Forbes.com, Xavier Amador, the therapist on Bethany Getting Married? gives his "secrets" for "winning" workplace arguments. What Amador suggests (below and at the link) is really just collaborative interest-based negotiation, but his catchy acronym - LEAP - is a good one to remember for all negotiations, whether you're brokering peace in the Middle East or getting your guy to put the toilet seat down. If you read the article, and I highly recommend doing so, you'll see that no one is "winning" any "argument." Rather, people are finding ways to accomodate all of their needs simultaneously.
Amador, 50, uses many of the same methods with both individuals and corporate clients. His book I'm Right, You're Wrong, Now What?, lays out a strategy he calls LEAP, for listen, empathize, agree, partner. It applies to salary negotiations, to disagreements with partners or colleagues or underlings and even to challenging sales assignments.
An acronym enthusiast ("acronyms help me to remember"), Amador says the first step is "L," for listen. That may sound simple, but often it's very hard. In sales, for instance. Before he became a psychologist, Amador worked for an Arizona company that sold solar heating. Rather than simply trying to push his product, he found he got further if he patiently listened to his potential clients' objections.
The Next Craving Balance Negotiation Workshop Starts July 19
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Lisa Gates of Craving Balance and I are doing it again! An entire month of negotiation classes that will change your life.
When Lisa and I planned our first month-long course (you can see the testimonials here) I told her that the women participating in it would make back the cost of the class in the first negotiation they conducted after the course ended.
I was wrong.
They made it back before the course was over it back. One participant said after the first weekly group teleconference,
I could drop out now and feel that I'd gotten more than what I paid for.
The response to our second course (now starting its third week) is even more powerful. So powerful that an attorney I ran into at the recent WLALAPalooza event said,
I took your 90-minute free teleseminar and tripled my hourly rate in response. I just did it today! I'm so excited and so proud of myself!
So we've decided not to let the grass grow under our feet or yours. We're offering the course again - with a money-back guarantee - beginning on July 19.
Continue Reading...Women's Attitudes, Skills and Fears about Negotiation
The numbers below represent an unscientific poll of women in business concerning their skills, attitudes and fears about negotiation. The women were asked to rate their agreement with the statements on a 1-10 scale with 1 being the least agreement and 10 being the greatest agreement. The numbers represent the average answer.
Here is an Excel spreadsheet of the data collected in this assessment.
Continue Reading...