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Victoria Pynchon

As the co-founder of She Negotiates Consulting and Training, I offer my services as a keynote speaker, trainer and consultant....

She Mediates

ADR Services, Inc.

She Negotiates

She Negotiates

The 33 cent wage and income gap is unacceptable and unnecessary. So is the cliché glass ceiling. Bottom line, our...

Achieving Your Heart's Desire: A Very Brief "How To"

Why talk about achieving your heart's desire in a blog dedicated to negotiated resolutions of disputes?  Because you must know how you value a thing before you can even begin to think about negotiating a price for it.

This week, over at the Connecticut Employment Law Blog, Part II on my series of posts on negotiating  partnership compensation will appear.  (Part I is here).  If we don't know what we really want, we are more apt to accept in compensation for our life's work what one author has called "frozen desire" -- money -- even when money fails to satisfy.  (See Frozen Desire, The Meaning of Money here)

Because I made (and am continuing to make) a career transition and because my new career is truly  my own heart's desire, I offer the following advice from the middle of the road toward my own unique kind of success -- a success that includes but does not entirely rest upon money as a measure.  

  • Give up whatever it is you are currently addicted to -- money, property, power, prestige, safety, drugs, alcohol, food, spending, cheating, clinging, worrying, or even simply saving against an uncertain future.
  • Find your "bliss"
    • I didn't know what this was until I was ready
    • I wasn't "ready" until I conquered numerous other challenges 
    • Your "bliss" doesn't occur to you overnight and it changes over time
    • Your "bliss" generally takes more than one form
    • sometimes life has to rip out of your hands that which you already possess before you are ready to pick up the new thing and start working on it 
    • in other words, you can't do the new thing until you've pretty much completely finished with the old 
  • Ignore "sunk costs."  In my case,
    • tuition for LL.M
    • cost of professional training other than LL.M
    • sweat equity
      • pro bono panels
      • writing
      • speaking
  • Don't let people tell you that it cannot be done
    • there are a thousand, a million reasons why something cannot be accomplished and only one reason it can -- you are committed to doing it
    • people who say you can't are more frightened than you are about their own ability to alter their destiny -- be kind to them but do not let them deter you
  • Don't give up when it -- whatever "it" may be -- doesn't happen right away
  • Be flexible
  • Fill in the lean times with stuff you already know how to do
    • I, for instance, write, legally and "technically"
      • I have a range of writing "rates" according to the task
      • I charge more for legal briefs
      • I charge less for the occasional odd job when someone who needs a little writing done thinks -- oh Vickie would be the perfect person to do this!
    • I'm not too good for anything that provides me with income
    • Nevertheless, I set my rates at "market" as soon as I believe I have the education, training and experience to justify it
  • Give freely of yourself without expectation of reward
  • That said, barter
    • what you used to do has more value than what you're now beginning to do
    • don't hesitate to barter your old services in service of the new
  • Build a social and professional network
    • you are now in possession of plentiful seeds of your new venture
    • toss them everywhere; spread them promiscuously
    • don't let anyone tell you that so and so cannot give you work -- everyone can give you work, even people who others see as your competitors
    • you have no competitors -- your market is big enough for you
    • your network should be both online (LinkedIn, Face Book and the like) and off-line (Bar and industry associations)
  • Be a program of attraction rather than promotion
    • be a problem solver
    • walk your ADR talk
    • let people wonder what you do and tell them only when they ask
  • Market your own backyard
    • you know certain types of people, professions, industries and commercial enterprises better than others
    • market them
    • remember Colin Powell's advice -- the most important information to an international diplomatic negotiation is "being inside the other guy's decision cycle."
    • it's easier to market the people you know than those you don't
  • Be passionately committed to your own success. 

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now. Goethe

The world comes into existence as you move toward it.  Paul Auster

Whatever happens. Whatever
what is is is what
I want. Only that. But that.

--Galway Kinnell 
New Selected Poems, Mariner Books, 2001


Comments (3)

Read through and enter the discussion by using the form at the end
Courtney Zito - March 17, 2008 8:17 PM

Great Blog Vickie, thanks for sharing this!

nummerupplysningen - March 5, 2013 3:50 PM

Magnificent website. A lot of helpful info here.
I'm sending it to several pals ans also sharing in delicious. And naturally, thanks to your effort!

jackpot 6000 - June 9, 2013 3:48 AM

There's definately a lot to know about this topic. I love all the points you made.

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