Really, though, manipulation of emotion and using them to your advantage takes a different type of skill and knowledge than negotiating in a way that satisfies everyone. I also think that manipulation of emotion is a skill still being taught in law school negotiation classes, although in a must subtler way. For example, Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury teaches you how to manipulate the other party in a manner which makes you seem friendly and empathetic. In a way, the book teaches you to take the other party’s interests (and the emotions attached) and state them in a way which gets that party to agree with you.

Also, negotiation classes, books, and articles attempt to teach students to read the other party’s emotions to gain insight into mindset. By reading surprise, exhaustion, envy, jealousy, or any other emotion in body language, tonality, or word choice, a successful negotiator can push certain emotional buttons to make negotiations go his/her way. Similarly, students are taught to suppress their own emotional responses unless they may be helpful to the negotiation. Together, a successful and skilled negotiator can force a party into a decision/resolution/compromise to which they may not otherwise agree by manipulating emotions.

Are these tactics really that different than the bully method simply because they make the other party feel “happy” about the result? The other party may not know they are being emotionally manipulated, and may even feel good about the outcome, but ethically, is the situation really that different than outright bullying? In some ways I could see how emotional bullying would be a more ethical choice because at least the other party knows they are being emotionally manipulated and can fight back. Unless the other party also knows the skills of “friendly” emotional manipulation, there is not any way for them to retaliate in kind.

I suppose “happy-feeling” manipulation also provides a thrill to those who utilize the technique. It just depends on whether you get your kicks from outright brutality or secret manipulation.

As for the ethical question, either could be deemed ethical depending on the motivation behind the use of the technique. If a woman is in a seriously abusive relationship and you want to get her out, she may respond better to bullying techniques. Is it better to get her out and safe in the quickest and most effective manner or better to make sure her feelings are not hurt? I personally would get her out before she gets killed; she can forgive me later for hurt feelings (or not), but she is safe and that is more important than happy feelings. There is no point in negotiating with a dead person.