As I prepare to teach Selected Issues in ADR:  Employment (with master employment mediator Stefan Mason) at the Straus Institute in the Spring of '07, I find myself inspired and amazed at the vast amount of wisdom tucked away in books with names like "Resolving Conflicts at Work," a volume I would be unlikely to pick up unless it had, as it does, Ken Cloke's name attached to it.  

Below, a short excerpt on the necessary attitude toward conflict for true resolution and where that conflict can be located:  

The German philosopher Nietzsche wrote, "when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."

Looking into your conflict means giving up your illusions, no longer seeing yourself as a victim or other people as enemies.  It means giving up your fear of engaging in honest communication with someone you distrust or dislike.

For example, consider the following:  how far apart are people when they are in conflict?  There are three correct answers:  first, they are an infinite distance apart because they cannot communicate at all; second they are no distance at all because their conflict makes them inseparable; and third, they are exactly one step apart because either of them can reach out and touch the other at any moment.

This leads to a follow-up question:  if this is so, where are their conflicts located?  Again, there are three correct answers:  first, they are located in the mind of each person because each person's attitudes, ideas, emotions and intentions are indispensable to the continuation of the dispute; second, they are located between them because every conflict is a relationship; and, third, they are located around them because all conflicts take place within a system, culture, context or environment that influences how they are conducted.

Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith, Resolving Conflicts at Work.