Getting Your Man (or Woman) To Do What You Want
Over at Psychology Today, mental health professional Steven Stosny recommends negotiation rather than coercion, manipulation, persuasion or “incentive/bartering” to prompt your spouse or other romantic partner to do what you want him to do.
“We’ve evolved a few tricks over the millennia,” writes Stosny, “but most of them are not adaptable to complex modern relationships.”
After condemning manipulation, coercion, bartering and persuasive argument, Stosny unsurprisingly recommends negotiation focused on feelings rather than on behavior, a distinction without a difference for those who realize that love is not a feeling but an action.
Though I’m no marriage counselor and certainly not a psychologist or therapist, I do know a bit about how people in conflict manage to transcend their disputes, transform their relationships, and find mutually satisfactory means of turning cross-purposes into shared values.
Comments (12)
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Paul Endress - November 22, 2011 1:11 PM
Effective listening, effective use of questions ... and the willingness to compromise if necessary, goes a long way in getting what you want from another person. For instance, let's say your spouse, likes Chinese food, and you prefer Italian ... discussing the issue could result in "Let's do Chinese tonight ... and we'll go out for Italian next week."
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