This is a Guest Post by attorney and divorce mediator Cara M. Raich, Esq. of Stalder Raich Mediation in New York City.
Dear Seal and Heidi, Usher, Kelsey,Debra Messing et al…
It isn’t fair for people to be prying into your private lives, but you are role models and that seems to be one of the many prices you pay for fame.
While you have to deal with your own incredibly stressful family matters, many people are watching you, advising you as if they knew your business and judging you as if they knew your hearts.
Although these deeply private matters deserve to be kept private, it is unlikely that they will be because they provide the general community with theopportunity to think and talk about societal values, public morals and the good, better, best way to get divorced.
As a divorce mediator – someone who facilitates the difficult conversations necessary to engineer the end of a marriage – I spend a significant part of my professional life thinking, writing and talking about what a successful divorce may mean to the people who are pursuing it.
I know it is rare for separating spouses to measure success in the amount of money they walk away with; despite initially thinking that success would be measured this way. I also know that separating couples do not measure success by how badly, deeply and truly they can hurt the other; despite an initial impulse to exact emotional payback.
One of the main problems with the mass media’s take on divorce is its characterization as a fight. In War of the Roses, the fight is finally fatal. In Kramer v. Kramer, one parent is valorized and the other demonized. It is, of course, the “hero” – Dustin Hoffman – who wins.
The starkness of “right” and “wrong” is striking in its lack of nuance.
To put nuance back into the divorce experience, I offer celebs and the lesser mortals among us the following five tips to achieving a successful divorce.