The famous "Getting to Yes" by Bill Ury and the brilliant 3-D Negotiation by Lax and Sebenius (30 years apart) span an entire generation's shift from distributive, fixed pie, zero sum bargaining, to "integrative" or interest-based negotiation.

Love him or hate him (is anyone in between?) President Obama represents the full flowering of cooperative, interest-based negotiation. At least one academic has said that if Clinton was our first "black" President, Obama is our first female president (with no disrespect) because, being an African-American male, he must present himself as non-threatening, just as any woman lawyer like ourselves must continue to do.

Nevertheless, we must all -- men and women -- understand and be skilled at using tough distributive negotiation techniques if our bargaining partner believes our cooperative style presents him/her with an opportunity to take advantage of us.

Frankly, if burdened with cultural gender styles, I'd choose honey over vinegar any day of the week (so long as I've got pepper spray in my back pocket!)