Build a Golden Bridge (from Getting Past No by William Ury)

first the problem

• other side is stalling/resisting
  • lacks interest in your proposals
  • makes vague statements
  • delays
  • renegs on agreements
  • responds with a flat "no"

now the likely explanation for the problem

• four most common reasons for impasse of this type:
  • it's not their idea
  • you're overlooking at least one of your counterpart's basic interests
  • your partner fears losing face
  • the decision seems too overwhelming; is too big and the time is too short, making it easier simply to say "no"

"Your challenge is to persuade the other side to cross the chasm that lies between their position and the agreement you want.  That chasm is filled with dissatisfaction, uncertainty and fear."

SOUND FAMILIAR????????

You need to draw her in your direction by building a golden bridge across the chasm.

HERE ARE THE STEPS:

• start where your bargaining partner is
  
• make it easier to him to surmount his reluctance (see 4 obstacles above)
• help him save face
• make the negotiation itself as easy as possible
• build on his ideas without accepting them
• select those proposals that are most constructive and move them in the direction you'd like to see them go -- "building on your idea, what if we ..........?"
• ask for constructive criticism
  • stress  that you're not asking for "yes" or "no" but feedback
  • "which interests of yours does this APPROACH fail to satisfy?"  "in what way is it unfair?"  "How would you improve on it"  "Is there a way we can make it better for your side without making it worse for mine?"
• Offer him a choice
• Satisfy unmet interests:  ask diagnostic questions & then,
• Make "if-then" proposals
  • Suppose that you are a marketing consultant negotiating with a client over your fee.  You would normally charge fifteen thousand dollars, but your client is unwilling to pay more than ten thousand. Her resistance stems largely from uncertainty about whether your efforts will truly help her. 
  • Instead of trying to persuade her that she is wrong, address her skepticism with an if-then formula:  "What do you say we make my fee ten thousand dollars as a base, but IF your sales increase by twenty-percent over the next six months THEN you agree to add a $10,000 bonus.  YOU TAKE A RISK BUT YOU'VE BUILT A BONUS INTO THE BACK END FOR BEING RIGHT AND FOR TAKING THE RISK.
• Help her save face. 
  
• meet human needs

Here's Ury's conclusion on building Golden Bridges (I have Getting Past No on my iPad; you can order it through Kindle).

First, it means involving them in crafting the agreement.  Second it means looking beyond their obvious interests, such as money, to address their more intangible needs, such as recognition or autonomy [or loyalty].  Third, it means helping them save face as they back away from their initial position; it means finding a way for them to present the agreement to their constituents as a victory.  And last, it means going slow, guiding them step-by-step across the bridge.