About Us

Victoria Pynchon

As the co-founder of She Negotiates Consulting and Training, I offer my services as a keynote speaker, trainer and consultant....

She Mediates

ADR Services, Inc.

She Negotiates

She Negotiates

The 33 cent wage and income gap is unacceptable and unnecessary. So is the cliché glass ceiling. Bottom line, our...

Our Close the Gap App Arrives in Time for Equal Pay Day

Close the Gap App™ (sponsored by GoDaddy) is a powerful online tool that takes you on a guided deep dive into your career path. It's like having your very own career or business coach on your desktop or mobile device.

Collaboratively designed by She Negotiates' co-founders Lisa Gates and Victoria Pynchon, and author and leadership expert Gloria Feldt of Take the Lead, you can now close that pesky wage and leadership gap for good.

You'll start by capturing your education, experience, strengths and accomplishments, and then you'll build on that by defining your short and longterm goals.

Screen Shot 2014-02-17 at 1.15.57 PM.png

You'll redefine your relationship with power and learn to navigate the typical roadblocks standing in your way and chart your course as the CEO of your own life.

You'll also learn how to create career narratives or stories to help you ace your interviews and present yourself with clarity and authority.

Then you'll assess your network and support systems and build your relationships strategically with an Influence Plan.

The shared goal of Take the Lead and She Negotiates is to eliminate the wage and leadership gap by 2025. With the skill-building exercises and videos in The Gap App, you won't be waiting until 2025. In the short time it takes to complete the App you'll research your market value, learn the necessary strategies to negotiate it, and close your wage gap now.

After completing the APP, you can join Take the Lead's community of women, powered by Mightybell. So, if you're ready to kickstart your career or business, join a brilliant community of women who are getting it done. And for 10 bucks, there is nothing standing in your way.

Top kudos and credit goes to Kendra Grant of Kendra Grant Consulting who served as our Learning Architect and Project Lead, and Josh Hoover of WP Bench who built and coded the App with his head, heart and hands.

HAVE FUN, AND PLEASE DO EMAIL US WITH YOUR FEEDBACK, QUESTIONS AND REQUESTS ONCE YOU'VE COMPLETED THE APP.

BigLaw Women on Succeeding While "Doing It All"

What to Do When Negotiation Turns to Squabbling

Negotiators—whether politicians or homebuyers—begin with bold concessions which rapidly shrink the gulf between opposing sides. But like curves approaching an asymptote in geometry, as they near an agreement they level off and struggle to bridge the final, though trivial, gap. The effect of their ongoing quarreling is that, by the end, their motivating goal is not so much to strike a deal or make a sale as to make the other side yield, on no matter how minor a point. The fact of winning a concession matters more than the concession's substance. Not who yields most, but who yields last, appears to lose. The negotiation grows more bitter, the less remains at stake.

(Thanks to friend Rex Stevens for passing this along from the Aphorisms and Paradoxes blog.)

I was over at White & Case* last week talking to its women about the perils of negotiation without the inclusion of face-saving mechanisms. As I told them, it's a common mediation experience for the parties to make concessions in the millions to tens of millions of dollars only to reach final impasse over which side is going to pay the mediation fee ($5K) they'd agreed to split before the session began.

That's not about money, it's about face.

We call this end stage simply the final impasse but when the end stage stretches out into a seemingly endless future, we call it a "hurting stalemate" which is what we've got in Washington right now.

So how do you break an impasse that may or may not turn into a hurting stalemate?

First of all, you ask yourself and then, if possible, your bargaining partner, what hasn't yet been put on the table. Parties often reach impasse because they're attempting to achieve a hidden goal that they believe their negotiation demand will achieve or help achieve. It's been suggested, for instance, that shutting the government down and then re-opening only those agencies that the Republican party would like to see functioning is not a bad consequence of the parties' failure to reach agreement, but a hidden goal. If you take a look at the list of agencies shut down, you'll see there at least half of the GOP target list for ending or lessening government regulation. The Department of Education. The Environmental Protection Agency. And that department Rick Perry couldn't recall was on his hit list during the Presidential debates.

If you have a bargaining partner who is in fact achieving a goal - as collateral damage - that it might not otherwise be able to implement, you need to surface the hidden agenda. Remembering the importance of face-saving for a partner who may have backed himself into a corner, it's best to first raise the hidden agenda behind closed doors. Any negotiation in which all items to be traded are not on the table is a failed or sub-optimal bargaining session.

Face. We have a saying among my people that you can't save your face and your ass at the same time. Although there's real freedom on the other side of losing "face," few people are willing to go in that direction. It usually takes the total and complete collapse of your particular house of cards before you're ready to see the benefit of coming clean. That being the case, you've got to help your negotiation partner save face and you can't do that by airing a commercial comparing your opponent to a squalling baby during the national broadcast of a Sunday football game. 

Bad move, Dems.

How might the GOP save face while backing down from the brink of economic disaster? Give them victory. They won the sequestration round of the Obama vs. the House negotiation. Give it to them. They already have it. Don't praise them. Complain about their victory far more often than you're doing now. 

The far right Tea Party politicians are not worried about re-election but the Democrats potential Republican allies (the moderates) are terrified of losing their seats if they vote . . . well . . . moderately. Find a way to provide them with election protection. I believe this has been done several times before with the actual infusion of funds into certain politicians campaign coffers. It's also been done with political support from hidden stakeholders. The Chamber of Commerce, for instance, once a hidden stakeholder, has now come out in support of re-opening the government and authorizing a raise in the debt ceiling. Good for it. Wall Street too has been putting pressure on the right to avoid the danger a shut-down and a subsequent default would have on the world economy.

We're talking about interest-based, mutual benefit negotiation strategy and tactics here. It's not rocket science. What are your bargaining partners interests - what do they fear, value, prioritize, prefer, and, need. What do you have of high value to them (giving them a victory) and low cost to you (giving them a victory they already won).

Finally, there's "spin." That old Washington game we litigators and negotiators call "framing."

For god's sake, please stop calling the damn act Obama Care. Did the administration not see the Jimmy Kimmel episode where, when given a choice, random folks on Hollywood Blvd. said they liked the "Affordable Care Act" but despised "ObamaCare."

As Dick Draper recommends - if you don't like the conversation you're having, change it!

Finally, as the television ads being run on cable in Republican strongholds last week amply demonstrated (as if we didn't already know) the Tea Party's marching orders weren't to govern but to bring Obama down. Why not give them Obama's virtual head on a platter?

Count up everything the Obama administration lost due to GOP opposition since his '08 election. Treat it as news. Because visuals are so important, particularly to the chronically uninformed, actually put Obama's head on a platter and run his defeats over the image. Treat re-opening the government and raising the debt ceiling as magnanimous acts of the GOP in the face of the AntiChrist who would bring the country down to serve his own interests. Give them victory without compromising anything.

There are dozens of other ways to break impasse. But let me stress that prolonging a hurting stalemate is easy. You simply publicly demonize the "other guy" and dance the macarena over his grave. 

JUST. STOP. IT.

And put into practice those best negotiation strategies and tactics that I guarantee you every politician knows.

*W&C is one of the top law firms for women and has earned its designation as such.

Kick Your Network Up a Notch in Santa Monica on October 17

 

YOU'RE INVITED TO AN EVENING OF PURPOSEFUL NETWORKING, COCKTAILS & HEALTHY SKIN ON OCTOBER 17
On Thursday, October 17th, please join me and seven #RemarkableWomen co-hosts for an evening of creating new opportunities through new relationships (click to tweet)--in partnership with our fabulous sponsor, Dermalogica. Don't miss out on this opportunity to meet our amazing group of co-hosts and mentors trail blazing in fitness, wellness, entrepreneurship, fashion, social change, marketing, social media, tech and more (see below for list). Plus, form new relationships with fellow attendees who, like you, are passionate about helping women. Whether it's meeting new clients or partners, making introductions, gaining insight into an industry or advice that can propel you to the next level- that's what happens at our events. SPACE IS LIMITED. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER (cocktails & gift bag included!)
Click on each name to learn more about each #RemarkableWoman you'll meet!
Madeline Di Nonno, Executive Director, The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media & See Jane Do
Katie Rosen, Editor in Chieft & Co-founder, FabFitFun
Jennifer Sprague, VP of Marketing at BGBGMAXAZRIA
Heather Dorak, Owner, Pilates Platinum
Victoria Pynchon, Author & Consultant, She Negotiates Consulting and Training
Chelsea Krost, Radio/TV Talk Show Host & MillennialSspokesperson
Alexis Levine, Founder, Savvy Media

YOU'RE INVITED TO AN EVENING OF PURPOSEFUL NETWORKING HOSTED BY CLAUDIA CHAN (RIGHT) AND SEVEN OTHER #REMARKABLE WOMEN + COCKTAILS + HEALTHY SKIN ON OCTOBER 17

On Thursday, October 17th, please join Claudia Chan and seven #RemarkableWomen co-hosts for an evening of creating new opportunities through new relationships (click to tweet)--in partnership with our fabulous sponsor, Dermalogica.

Don't miss out on this opportunity to meet Claudia's amazing group of co-hosts and mentors trail blazing in fitness, wellness, entrepreneurship, fashion, social change, marketing, social media, tech and more (see below for list).

Plus, form new relationships with fellow attendees who, like you, are passionate about helping women. Whether it's meeting new clients or partners, making introductions, gaining insight into an industry or advice that can propel you to the next level- that's what happens at our events.

SPACE IS LIMITED. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER (cocktails & gift bag included!)

Click here again and scroll down to learn more about each #RemarkableWoman you'll meet!

Madeline Di Nonno, Executive Director, The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media & See Jane Do

Katie Rosen, Editor in Chief & Co-founder, FabFitFun

Jennifer Sprague, VP of Marketing at BGBGMAXAZRIA

Heather Dorak, Owner, Pilates Platinum

Victoria Pynchon, Author & Consultant, She Negotiates Consulting and Training

Chelsea Krost, Radio/TV Talk Show Host & MillennialSspokesperson

Alexis Levine, Founder, Savvy Media

About Claudia Chan!!

Referred to as “the aspirational Facebook for women” by Forbes.com, “SHE Who Must Be Obeyed” by the The Daily Beast, “Intrepid Woman” by The Glass Hammer, “a motivational media head women in charge” by Cosmopolitan Magazine--Claudia has been featured in countless media outlets including the Aol/PBS initiative “Makers: Women Who Make America.” She also speaks on women’s leadership at corporations, universities, conferences and is looking forward to her first TEDx talk in Fall 2013.

Why Professional Men Make More Money Than Their Female Peers

I'm not going to say that the inexcusable delta between women professionals' compensation and that of their male peers is entirely women's responsibility, but here's what the Harvard Program on Negotiation suggests at least part of cause for that delta among physicians is.

In the context of negotiation, professors John Rizzo of Stony Brook University and Richard Zeckhauser of Harvard University asked a group of young physicians about their reference groups and salary aspirations.

Male physicians compared themselves to reference groups that earned higher salaries than the ones female physicians selected.

In addition, men’s salary reference points were more indicative than women’s of how much they earned later.

Finally, women tend to compare themselves to particular individuals whom they know, while men tend to assess themselves according to information about typical behavior.

Here's a simple solution to this problem. Research your market value in your specialty in your geographic area on payscale.com or glassdoor.com. If those resources aren't sufficient, pick up the telephone and make a few inquiries about compensation in your area.

Here's what I ask when I do this for clients.

Hi, I'm Vickie Pynchon. I'm a ___________ (attorney, author, consultant - whatever seems the best identity to get an answer to my question). I'm doing some market research on compensation for software designers/commercial litigators/OB-GYNs. Can you give me an idea of what people in that area with X years of experience are making/charging clients/etc.

Problem solved.

See how easy that was?

She Negotiates Makes Forbes Top 100 Career Websites for 2013

Here's what Forbes.com has to say about She Negotiates 

With a mission to transform lives, She Negotiates gives women the tools and support to take responsibility for closing their own personal income and leadership gaps. “We start with the pocketbook because economic power is political power. And without political power, we have no voice. No presence. No platform. No credibility,” the site says. What sets She Negotiates apart? They know the personal, cultural and political landscapes that impact one’s ability to ask for what they want and move forward. The site publishes blogs posts and book recommendations, and offers virtual training, video tutorials, as well as consulting services for a fee.

What To Do When They Ask You To Work Free | Step-by-Step Instructions

by Lisa Gates

If you are a consultant or solopreneur and you're offering a free consultation to give potential clients a slice, a sense of your value and skill, how is it going? Is it working? Or are you letting people pick your brain for free and off they go?

I think we all understand the motivation. You want to be of service, and to be known and valued so that people hire you.

But if we're truthful, the deeper motivation for giving our best stuff away is that we feel squeamish about asking for our value up front. Instead, we do the job before we get the job. Not good for wallets, reputations and credibility.

The solution?

Try a Strategy Session. Think about offering a 60- or 90-minute strategy session at a discounted rate. If your hourly rate is $200, you might offer a 90-minute session for the same rate.

What you can give freely is the 10 minutes it takes to get connected, find out what your potential client's challenge is, and give them the opportunity to hire you for one of your business services, or a strategy session.

If you aren't ready for that approach, here are a few ideas for making you free consultations more fruitful:

Ask diagnostic, open-ended questions:

Get inside your potential client's pain and frustration by asking questions that reveal the full range of their goals, challenges and needs.

Empathize and be authentic:

Tell people you understand their dilemma. Assure them that the territory they're in is familiar to you, and something you are well trained and experienced to solve.

Focus on the big deal benefits of solving those challenges:

People who want to land a job or get a raise or build a better website or write a better press release, are motivated by what they value most. Yes, they want to solve the issue at hand, but what's more important are the values they will honor by doing so - like freedom, security, joy, beauty, and possibility. So rather than focusing solely on the features or process of how you work, ask them questions that help them understand why they want what they want.

Share your strategy

Once you've built trust, you can then focus on the features or the process of how you work. Once your potential client is invested in the benefits of your solution, will they be more open to hearing how you work.

Give your potential clients some homework

This is where you give some of your best advice, and some direction for handling a particular piece of the work.

 

  • If you're a website designer, you might ask them to complete some branding questions.
  • If you're a productivity trainer, you might ask them to survey their employers about their email program issues.
  • If you're a divorce mediator, you might give them a few pointers for having a conversation with their partner about a sticky issue.
  • If you're a landscaper, you might ask them to take photos of gardens they love.

 

Ask for the business

Diagnostic questions are also helpful in closing. You might say, "I'd love to work with you. What's your timeline for getting this project handled?" Or, "When would you like to begin?" Or, "What else do you need to know to get started?"

Use NO as an opportunity for clarity

If your potential client is unsure and not ready to commit, ask more diagnostic questions, like:

 

  • What seems to be in the way of making a decision?
  • What do you need to know to be comfortable saying yes?
  • Who are the decision makers?
  • What have you budgeted for this?
  • Would a payment plan be helpful?

By the way, NO is also an opportunity to offer the Strategy Session as a way of dipping their toes in before committing to your program or service.

 

Image
Lisa Gates + Victoria Pynchon
Negotiation Consulting, Training and Coaching
www.shenegotiates.com

In-House Women Attorneys Make 40% Less In Bonus Pay | What To Do About It

 

The women in the ALM/Corporate Counsel survey who held the top positions in their law departments—chief legal officers and general counsel—reported an average total cash compensation of $575,200, while their male counterparts pocketed an average of $723,700. Female deputy chief legal officers surveyed brought home an average of $316,400 in total cash compensation, while men in the same positions made an average $386,700. Total cash compensation was calculated in the survey as a combination of salary reported as of March 1, 2013, and annual cash bonus for 2012.
Smaller bonuses for women accounted for a large part of the disparity between the numbers for top-level men and women corporate counsel. The survey indicated that GC and CLO women and their deputies made around 40 percent less in bonus payouts than men in the same roles.
Read more: http://www.law.com/corporatecounsel/PubArticleCC.jsp?id=1202618551555&Survey_Finds_HighLevel_Women_InHouse_Lawyers_Paid_Less#ixzz2eS7Erhbk

What can I say that I haven't said before?

Negotiate your bonuses!

The women in the ALM/Corporate Counsel survey who held the top positions in their law departments—chief legal officers and general counsel—reported an average total cash compensation of $575,200, while their male counterparts pocketed an average of $723,700. Female deputy chief legal officers surveyed brought home an average of $316,400 in total cash compensation, while men in the same positions made an average $386,700. Total cash compensation was calculated in the survey as a combination of salary reported as of March 1, 2013, and annual cash bonus for 2012.

Smaller bonuses for women accounted for a large part of the disparity between the numbers for top-level men and women corporate counsel. The survey indicated that GC and CLO women and their deputies made around 40 percent less in bonus payouts than men in the same roles.

Read more here.

How Do You Close the 40% Bonus Gap? Here's How

First and foremost, understand that bonuses are negotiated. The Grindstone gave eight tips to help you negotiate your bonus some time ago and the advice is all the more important today. Career coach Rebecca Rapple advised women to remember that they are tough negotiators. "Realize," she said, 

that it is a negotiation! Many people (but especially women) accept their year end bonus, or lack thereof, as a fact, rather than a negotiation. Far too often we hear people saying “You should feel lucky to have a job” and other self-defeating phrases. While, in reality, companies are lucky to have you! And its important to ask – and negotiate – for the compensation you deserve.”

Read the entire Grindstone article and then start planning your "ask" for your year-end bonus. Use our free resources here.

Salary Advice Wrapped Up With a Bow

Raw Economic Power In One Corner and Justice In the Other.

When it comes to paying (or not paying) employees, the cri de coeur of American business is not yes, we can but because we can.

We don't provide our employees with health care insurance because we're not required to. We pay them minimum wage because we can.

We don't pay our interns because they've been convinced by career placement counselors, their parents and American business, that there are so many over-qualified people to perform the largely clerical tasks they're "hired" to do that they have to work for free.

See PayGenY for all the many reasons this is actually, legally and morally wrong. And it pains me deeply to say that friends of mine who could afford to pay new college grads at least minimum if not a living wage, ask them to work for free because they can.

What has happened to our moral compass?

What has happened to our understanding that the wheel of fortune will always turn and that when it turns down for those at the top, it's a feast for sharks unless the fallen has treated his partners and subordinates as valuable members of a team, without whom he could not accomplish the job he's doing, let alone make the money and accrete to himself the power he has taken for himself.

I have seen this in action too many times for it to be a one-off.

The first shall be last.

 It was ever and will ever be so.

The President of PETA, interviewed by Alec Baldwin in his must-hear podcast, Here's the Thing, noted that American business justifies animal cruelty so long as it can connect mistreatement to a penny or two increase in the price of its stock. The same is true for corporate human capital. The shock of the recession and its aftermath (socialize the loss and privatize the gain) has caused everyone from highly compensated senior equity partners to the last-hired guy in the mail room to react the way rats do when the man in the white lab coat throws the switch on the electrified grid beneath their feet. 

They either attack one another or go catatonic. 

Big Law in particular is treating its people very badly because it can. The people from HR, sometimes with security officers beside them, are walking up to legal secretaries with twenty-five to thirty years of experience and terminating them on the spot, hovering over them as they pack their things and walking them out the door.

I call this the new American perp walk.

If HR knew what it was doing, it would know this - people's claim-making inclinations are highly colored by the manner in which they are terminated. As Joan Didion so eloquently reminded us,

We tell ourselves stories in order to live. The princess is caged in the consulate. The man with the candy will lead the children into the sea. The naked woman on the ledge outside the window on the sixteenth floor is a victim of accidie, or the naked woman is an exhibitionist, and it would be 'interesting' to know which. We tell ourselves that it makes some difference whether the naked woman is about to commit a mortal sin or is about to register a political protest or is about to be, the Aristophanic view, snatched back to the human condition by the fireman in priest's clothing just visible in the window behind her, the one smiling at the telephoto lens. We look for the sermon in the suicide, for the social or moral lesson in the murder of five. We interpret what we see, select the most workable of the multiple choices. We live entirely... by the imposition of a narrative line upon disparate images, by the 'ideas' with which we have learned to freeze the shifting phantasmagoria — which is our actual experience.

If we terminate employees disrespectfully, subject them to humiliation and treat them unjustly, the story they will tell themselves about their recollected work experience will be one of disrespect, humiliation, and injustice. If we terminate them respectfully, with sufficient notice and with offers to help them make the transition, the story they will tell themselves about the past will reflect the present and claiming-activity will be reduced.


Continue Reading

One Way To Overcome Barriers to Women's Advancement in Big Law

I couldn't be more pleased than to share this recent report - Women Lawyers Still Hit Glass Ceiling - from Marketplace

 This story is not about what your law firm can do for you because it's not going to do anything to advance the careers of women either because it's the right thing to do or because it's the smart thing to do (i.e., good law firm management).

How many times do I have to say that people do not voluntarily giveup economic power and will never voluntarily change the status quo as long as it's delivering money and power to the people who already have it (who will eventually nevertheless learn that the wheel of fortune is always turning but that's another post for another day).

For anyone who believes law firms are supporting their women, please note that the women who would be willing to share effective means of advancing their Big Law careers were not permitted to talk to Marketplace because those means are not official firm policy.

We're therefore no longer talking about implied bias or benign neglect, we're talking active suppression. 

That said, here's the snippet from the Marketplace report.

Women make up about 16 percent of equity partners at big law firms -- a number that has barely budged in a decade. This despite the fact women graduate from law school in almost the same numbers as men. Women partners also earn on average just under $500,000 a year, while men earn $734,000, according to a recent survey of lawyers' compensation. Some female lawyers have had enough of these discrepancies, and they're pushing for change.

Women lawyers at top firms hate drawing attention to their gender. "We've been told for decades that if we talk about women's issues we're whining," says Victoria Pynchon, a litigator for 25 years and co-founder of a consultancy called She Negotiates. She says a new generation of women is realizing they can't get to the top just by working hard and following the rules.

"Women lawyers in these major law firms are saying good bye to all of that, and they are exercising power without being given the authority to do so," she says. "And this is something that men do without even thinking about it."

For example, she says at one large firm, when they vote for a new equity partner, women partners now come together to support the best female candidate.

That may sound like a small thing, but by bloc voting, they improve that candidate's chance of getting elected. Women at that firm didn't want to talk on the record because what they're doing is not official firm policy.

Continue reading or listen to the broadcast here.

 

Value Pricing the Answer to Gender Bias in Big Law?

What is the one thing male AmLaw200 lawyers possess in relative abundance that women lack?

Time.

And yet, pricing legal services based on the time it takes a lawyer to do her work is the only truly important metric for retention and promotion in the AmLaw. Well, that and cronyism, of course.

But I'm not talking cronyism in this season's issue of the Journal published bi-yearly by the Florida Association of Women Lawyers. As I say at the link, "if measuring value by time had prevented men from marrying and having children, they would long ago have found a different way to measure the worth of their work."

I'm talking value pricing. 

Check it out at the link above.

The Generous Trickle Down of Women at the Top

Millennial women!

I'm still talking to you! Still don't want to be a leader? Don't want a revolution? Don't want to change the world?

Here's what the NYTimes says we add to the general welfare when we're present at the leadership table.

At work, we sorely need more women in leadership positions. We already know from considerable research that companies are better off when they have more women in top management roles, especially when it comes to innovation. Professors Dezso and Ross have recently shown that between 1992 and 2006, when companies introduced women onto their top management teams, they generated an average of 1 percent more economic value, which typically meant more than $40 million.

Then there's this:

Along with guiding much of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation’s philanthropy, Melinda played a pivotal role in shaping the Giving Pledge. . . When Bill Gates and Warren Buffett convened dinners for billionaires to discuss philanthropy, Ms. Gates made sure that wives were invited, too. 

But if you believe marrying a top dog is all a woman needs to do to change the course of history, be advised that when men have traditional wives at home, they discount the value of the work done by their women colleagues and associates.

As my great good friend, Gloria Feldt says, there are really No Excuses to bury our heads in the sand to our sisters' suffering nor to stop playing the game our education, experience, skills and, yes, privilege have prepared us for.

Need a few places to get started?

Support The New Agenda and Take the Lead. Learn how to and then negotiate your true market value thereby raising the wage, income and leadership anchor for all women. There's  no better place to learn that than at She Negotiates.

Don't let the boys beat you in the Reindeer Games. If the customs and practices of your workplace tend to reward male metrics (like time on their hands) subvert the system and play by your own rules. If you're in the professions or business, don't ask for part-time status when you have children. Just take the time you need.

You're already working 22% longer and 10% faster before you expect the same reward as your male colleagues do.

Remember that every woman in leadership inspires dozens, sometimes hundreds, thousands or millions of other women to say "I can do that too."

Be a leader. Inspire. Value yourself wherever you are on the bell curve. Demand that value.

Go, do, prosper. There's a world of women to be saved.

 

Negotiating The Cost of Maternity: Just the Facts

Facts without links taken from the American Way of Birth article in today's New York Times.

The Negotiation Doctors Are In At The Daily Muse

Starting this week with Questions to Ask Before Negotiating, the co-founders of She Negotiates Consulting and Training will be answering your negotiation questions (men's and women's) twice a month at The Daily Muse.

Our column, Ask the Negotiators, depends on you for its success.Research shows that negotiators learn best when working out their own bargaining challenges instead of attending classes where they're asked to negotiate hypotheticals whose facts are limited and often don't pertain to the negotiation environment in which men and women are required to have an often difficult conversation leading to agreement.

So please, send your toughest negotiation problems to us. We rarely achieve salary increases of less than 20% for our clients whether they're seeking a raise or making a lateral move. We've helped business people sell their small companies to larger ones, assisted others in having difficult conversations with their current employers as a last step before job hunting, and have helped organizations get their people working together as a team again.

There's no negotiation problem too tough for us and if we don't know the answer off the top of our heads, we do the research necessary or seek out the industry experts who can guide us - and you - in the right direction.

Here are my prior columns answering reader questions. Take a look at my co-founder Lisa Gates' profile here and decide who you'd like to ask or simply throw the question up for grabs by sending it to negotiation@thedailymuse.com. 

Ladies and gentlemen! Start your engines! Life is about to get easier and work far better and more remunerative.

We advise HR people as well so its not all employee related. We deal with companies, entrepreneurs, non-profits and individuals who are all seeking to get what they deserve - a happy, fair, productive and just workplace for everyone.

Power of Anger Ineffective against Powerful Negotiators

 

Researcher Gerben Van Kleef of the University of Amsterdam found that only low-power negotiators were strongly influenced by their opponent’s expressions of anger; they made larger concessions than when no anger was expressed. High-power negotiators barely seemed to notice the other side’s emotions; they identified their own true bargaining interests and offered only the concessions necessary to reach a good deal.
How can you gain this advantage?
Immediately before negotiating with someone you know to be emotional and demanding, reflect on a time you negotiated with a strong BATNA. Recall your sense of confidence and control. Generating psychological power can immunize you from your opponent’s angry tactics.

Listen.

We're all somewhat afraid of conflict, at least those of us who are not sociopaths.

Men and women both want their days to pass without having accusations hurled at them, without hearing what a frenemy is saying behind their backs, and without stirring their colleagues or clients to anger.

Women, however, do tend to react to a negotiation challenge somewhat more fearful of an angry response than do men.

I've said before that men can claim to be unemotional only because they don't believe anger to be an emotion and I think there's more truth to that than humor. 

I had a client once who was negotiating her bargaining partners toward a million per year. That's what everyone in her niche was making. The men with whom she was negotiating gave her many reasons why she was an outlier and worth less than her peers (all of whom were men and most of whom were twenty years her senior). But it was she who they listened to at industry conferences. She was the expert. They'd just found a cozy retirement niche.  

Eventually, of course, her bargaining partners grew testy and finally one pitched all all-out temper tantrum worthy of a two-year old, telling her she'd never succeed, never reach the heights of the profession she'd already scaled. Told her she was fooling herself. Told her she didn't deserve it. Told her to get a grip on herself and remember who she was.

We responded with the best negotiation tactic for a bargaining partner who betrays us. We played "tit for tat," punishing the miscreant proportionally by simply going 36 hours without returning his phone call. When he finally did reach her, he apologized and, on top of that, increased his last offer without responding to a counter. In other words, he apologized by bargaining against himself, just about the only rule young attorneys are taught by their elders. Not to bargain against yourself.

So if you're worried that your negotiation partner is going to get angry at you, don't worry. Not only is "tit for tat" a powerful game changer, but recent research cited by the Harvard Program on Negotiation shows that only low-power negotiators [are] strongly influenced by their opponent’s expressions of anger.

Those negotiators who didn't trust their own power made larger concessions than when no anger was expressed. High power negotiators, however, barely seemed to notice the other side’s emotions; they identified their own true bargaining interests and offered only the concessions necessary to reach a good deal.

Here's the best news, anyone who wishes can gain the "high power" advantage. According to Harvard, our best strategy, particularly if we're anticipating an emotion response is to reflect on a time you negotiated with a strong [alternative to a negotiated resolution]. Recall your sense of confidence and control. Generating psychological power can immunize you from your opponent’s angry tactics.

Got that? Add a power pose (arms above your head, hands behind it, standing tall to trigger a flood of testosterone) and you'll be the leader of the pack.

Vroooom, vroooom, vrooooom.

If Your Women's Initiative Isn't Working, We've Got Solutions

The National Association of Women Lawyers says your law, accounting or financial firm's women's initiative is not working.

You already know that, of course, and many of you have given up on it altogether. It's so well understood that even the ABA knows about it! Check out Do Women's Initiatives Work in this month's issue of the ABA Journal right here.

It's Just Beginning

But I have breaking news for you. It's not over. It's just beginning.

As one AmLaw 50 senior woman recently told me, until '09, her firm's women's initiative was flowery. In '09, the law firm's women decided to grow it some balls. That's what she said. Verbatim. Those are the women lawyers I remember from my youth. Ballsy. No nonsense. Get it done.

If you'd like to put your poorly funded, management ignored women's initiative on steroids, I've got a panel that is going to tell you how to make it fly. For you. Strategically. 

Not A "Feel Good" Session Nor A Pity Party

This is not a "feel good" session, nor a pity party. But you know what? I've never heard women lawyers throw a pity party from the day I entered law school in 1977 until today.

This panel will also not ask you to expend more energy than you're already expending to be the greatest lawyer you can be. This is a session that will tell you what your law firm should be doing to make your women's careers better.

In addition to the law firm piece, we're going to put the strength of other women lawyers behind you. Because this is not "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" or even "lean in." This is activism.

The panel is not only FREE, but the Women Lawyers' Association of Los Angeles will even validate your parking.

So there are No Excuses not to be there. 

Who?

I'll be there but I'm not the main attraction. Sarretta C. McDonough of Gibson Dunn will be speaking. She is a member of the Board and Program Director for the National Association of Women Lawyers. NAWL underwrote the 2012 National Survey of Women's Initiatives.The survey's findings were gloomy as reported in my post There's Absolutely Nothing Wrong With Women in the Law.

Sarretta is appearing to help you help your firm course correct its women's initiative for your individual advantage which quite directly advantages all women lawyers everywhere.

Along with me and Sarretta, Merle Vaughn of Major, Lindsey & Africa will be appearing. MLA is the organization that authored the equally gloomy 2012 Partner Compensation Survey, as also reported in There's Nothing Wrong With Women

Merle has enough good ideas fill an entire weekend retreat but we're going to help her squeeze her good advice into this single session. Tackle her after the panel is over and pepper her with your most pressing issues.

Continue Reading

There's Absolutely Nothing Wrong With Women In The Law

I want every woman lawyer to know that they do not have to work harder, faster or better to achieve parity in the workplace with their male colleagues.

All we have to do is support one another, which this month includes digging into that ABA Journal Magazine that you usually just toss into the trash.

I'm linking to three reports on law firm women's initiatives and they're all a little depressing.

Still, if you read past the pessimism, you'll realize we're at a tipping point - that the disappointing percentage of women in leadership roles in the law, business and finance (less than 20% in all sectors) is also reason to  be optimistic about the future.

As Gloria Feldt of Take the Lead counsels, if each woman in a leadership role would sponsor one other woman who is poised to take on such a role, we could double those disappointing percentages in five years or less.

The Grim Statistics

A recent study on gender and compensation in the country's largest law firms reports that 

The development of two-tier partnerships, the lengthening of the time periods to make partner and equity partner, the reduction in the number of equity partners, the creation of new categories of permanent associates and permanent non- equity partners, the expanded number of permanent of counsel, and the demand for increased billable hours, have combined to increase income for a shrinking group of equity partners and to disadvantage women in large law firms.

A Major, Lindsey & Africa 2012 Law Firm Partner Compensation Survey reports that cronyism at the top which permits in-group gender bias to influence compensation and promotion decisions presents a significant hindrance to women's advancement and has kept the law firm gender pay gap firmly in place for the past decade.

Finally,the National Association of Women Lawyers' 2012 study of law firm women's initiatives tells a story of underfunding, the lack of meaningful goals and the absence of any metrics to measure the success of those initiatives, all of which would lead a cynical person to conclude that most of those initiatives are more window dressing than they are genuine attempts to address the problems not only of women but of high attrition rates that firms in our new austere economy can no longer afford.

As that study reports:

fewer than half of all women’s initiatives are evaluated annually by management. Similarly, fewer than half of all women’ initiatives submit written evaluations. Moreover, it is not clear that the reporting and evaluation functions focus on specific goals. Some 40% of firms report no specific criteria at all for their evaluation. Of those who report goal-related evaluation criteria, there is often no connection to concrete advancement criteria. Thus, descriptions of evaluation criteria were often along the lines of “accomplishment of goals and activities identified at the start of each year” or “number of events, quality of events, participation level.”

All of that said, I remain optimistic because I've been here before, when I first started practice and some of the firm's clients said "I don't want a woman on the litigation team." My boss, male, said what we women should be saying today, Then you don't want this firm because Vickie Pynchon is the best associate I've got.

 

Thank you, Geoff.

We can do it. We can do it without tying ourselves in knots to conform to outmoded gender roles. We can do it without offending anyone - clients or colleagues. We can do it authentically within our own unique personalities.

We can do it because women's diverse views destroy "group think" and add women's unique collaborative abilities to an entrenched zero-sum system. Most importantly, we can raise the bar of excellence for every firm where management understands that more women in leadership = a more profitable business.

 

National Girlfriends Networking Day: See Soledad O'Brien's Spontaneous Offer to Feature WNBA Star in Documentary

Are You Negotiating From a Position of Weakness or From a Position of Power?

1. “Think powerful”
Job candidates are rarely in a position of power as interviewers decide the fate of their future career prospects. Yet, the winning strategy in these situations is thinking that one has power, in spite of the situation. As a candidate, how can you engineer a powerful mindset? Well, a simple trick is to remind yourself about a time you had power over a situation right before an interview, and invoke the precise feelings associated with that memory – feelings of confidence and competence, as well as decisiveness during decision making.
One of my recent research projects, Power gets the job: Priming power improves interview outcomes co-authored with Joris Lammers (University of Cologne), Derek D. Rucker (Northwestern University) and Adam Galinsky (Columbia University) tested just that idea: as part of a session of individual mock interviews, we assigned business school applicants to one of three conditions. In the first condition, applicants wrote a short essay about a time they had power just before entering an interview. In the second condition, applicants also wrote an essay, but this time about a time they lacked power. Finally, the last group did not write anything.
Then, we asked interviewers the likelihood that they would accept the candidate into a business school. When candidates went straight to the interview, interviewers accepted 47.1 percent of the candidates. However, the admission rate went up to 68 percent for those people in the group who wrote an essay about a time they had power, and fell to a low 26 percent for those who wrote an essay about a time they lacked power. Importantly, interviewers were unaware of the power manipulation we had given candidates. Thus, merely recalling an experience of high power increased candidates’ likelihood to be admitted by 81 percent compared to baseline and by 162 percent compared to those who recalled an experience of powerlessness.
Of course, there are other ways to engineer personal feelings of power. For instance, candidates can wear objects that make them feel powerful, such as a watch or a particular bag - anything that links you with feelings of power.
2. “Behave powerful”
Power is not only a mindset; it is also a behaviour. Small, almost unconscious moves signal power to an audience and can significantly change the outcome of an interview. In her recent TED talk, Amy Cuddy (Harvard University) provides an excellent summary of how non-verbal language can have a profound effect on how people are judged in contexts as varied as hiring or promotion interviews, a sales context or even a date. As such, physical poses such as wrapping legs, hunching or relying on one’s arms are many subtle signals of powerlessness that cast doubt on what candidates say, regardless of the content of the conversation.
The Virtuous Circle of Power
Interestingly, adopting “power poses” does not only affect how interviewers judge candidates, but also ironically reinforces candidates’ feelings of power. In recent research, Li Huang from INSEAD and colleagues had participants take powerful (for example, expansive postures) or powerless (constricted postures) poses and found the former behaved more powerfully than the latter, by taking action more often and thinking more abstractly, two well-known consequences of power. So, behaving in a powerful way is not only important for how interviewers perceive candidates, it is also a key driver of how candidates will behave!
Read more: http://forbesindia.com/article/insead/power-boosters-how-to-land-that-job-when-you-think-you-cant/35149/1#ixzz2VAQEbLlt

No matter where I go to teach negotiation strategies and tactics, people tell me they feel as if they're bargaining from a position of weakness. You'd think the lawyers at Intel, Qwest Communications, Warner Brothers and Sony Pictures Entertainment or the engineers and managers at Kraft Foods, all of whose people I've trained, would drape themselves in the power of their corporate brand.

Not so. More than 80% raise their hands when I ask them whether they're negotiating from a position of weakness.

That, I suppose, is because I haven't trained those companies' CEO's, GCs or Boards of Directors. But even then I'll bet I could flip a coin on their answer to the question. The Boards of Directors, after all, have to answer to shareholders and federal governmental agencies. CEOs must answer to their Boards and GCs to the CEO. Sometimes all of them feel intimidated by the lady in HR because Human Resources is the hot nuclear core of conflict in the organization.

What, then, can we do to increase others' perceptions that we have power, a perception that is more than half of our bargaining strength.

Over at Forbes today, we read about some powerful research done by several hot shot academics, including Adam Galinsky whose work I've featured at The Daily Muse and ForbesWoman.

 

Continue Reading

When 1 in 4 Women Ask for Raises 75% Get Them

A survey released today by Citi and LinkedIn in conjunction with Citi’s Connect Professional Women’s Network on LinkedIn finds that one of women’s biggest obstacles to career satisfaction may be themselves – only 1 in 4 professional women have asked for a raise in the past year, yet of those who asked, 75% received a salary increase.

On the heels of Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In, the survey also investigates whether women are really pulling back from leadership positions and if so, why? When asked if they could see themselves rising to a leadership position at their current employer, only 38% of women polled said yes, citing lack of opportunity, time and loyalty to their companies as the top three reasons why they’re not planning to advance.

For further insights on these and other statistics, watch Citi Talks Take Control of Your Career or click here for the full article with a cool chart.

To get that raise you deserve, just click here.You have nothing to lose and hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of your career to gain.

You Deserve A Raise - Let Us Help You Negotiate It

Corporate profits have been soaring for some time now. What/who is the engine of those profits?

You, the American worker, are!

That means you deserve a raise. Have you gotten one lately? Not according to most sources.

We routinely help women negotiate raises between 15 and 30%.

Our success reflects the undeniable fact that our clients deserve these raises but haven't been getting them. We're not rocket scientists but we do know how to assess and then help you negotiate your true market value.

If you don't believe you can negotiate a raise, here's what one of our clients had to say about our services following by what USA Today had to say about your entitlement to a raise now back at the beginning of the month.

Client:

I scored BIG when I hired Victoria Pynchon. She helped me successfully negotiate a job promotion, 40+% raise, and  new title -- all at my current employer. And this was during a recession! Vickie benchmarked salaries for me, realistically evaluated my options, helped me understand the motives and pressure of my employer, and advised me at every step of the way throughout the negotiations. And she guided me in developing a long-term strategic plan for my career.

USA Today:

Stock markets and corporate profits are breaking records. The economy suddenly looks brighter after the government's surprising report Friday that employers added 635,000 jobs the past three months.  

"Hourly wages ticked up 4 cents in April to an average $23.87, rising at about the same tepid 2% annual pace since the recovery began in mid-2009.

But taking inflation into account, they're virtually flat. Workers who rely on paychecks for their income have been running in place, financially speaking. Adjusting for inflation, an average worker who was paid $49,650 at the end of 2009 is making about $545 less now and that's before taxes and deductions.

According to this month's Harpers, "even among the well-educated, the fear of unemployment deters workers from demanding wage hikes, particularly when joblessness is pervasive."

Let's not let the spectre of unemployment, or permit the unsupported corporate excuse of "the recession" deter us from reaping some small portion of the benefit that has flowed to the top of the American economic ladder in the past few years.

As one of those mega-negotiation training firms that advertises in airplane magazines says, "you don't get what you deserve; you get what you negotiate."

Find us and call us at She Negotiates and let us help you negotiate what you deserve.

Despite our focus on closing the gender wage gap, we serve men as well as women because a rising tide raises all ships.

What Are Your Super Powers And What Are You Waiting For?

I just spent the weekend with a group of incredibly engaged, brilliant and successful women lawyers at the Vail Sebastian Hotel where I keynoted the annual Conference of the Colorado Womens Bar Association.

Four questions stirred the greatest interest.

  1. What are your super powers to get things done?
  2. Do you have (or need) the authority to use them?
  3. What can you use them to accomplish to further your own career?
  4. If you're not using them, why not?

Last night at the cocktail party after my presentation (slideshow below) dozens of women approached me to tell me what their "super powers" were.

  • Institutional Knowledge.
  • Ability to assign work.
  • Persuasiveness.
  • Influence over firm power brokers.
  • Willingness to study for and take foreign bar exams (a recurring nightmare in my book, but hey! "how is the firm recompensing you to study for and take it?")
  • Ability to promote younger lawyers.
  • Ability to form relationships with the firm's clients.
  • Speaking ability.
  • Writing ability.
  • Ability to: take a great deposition, write jury instructions, try a case.
  • A large social-professional network that can be tapped for favors and referrals.

And on and on and on.

If you have not made a list of your "super powers" please do so now. Ask yourself how they can benefit your career. Then ask yourself whether you're using them effectively to do so and if not, why not. 

Then go and prosper!

 

Gotham Gal Goes All In For National Girlfriends' Networking Day

First off I just love the name.  

National Girlfriends Networking Day is a nationwide celebration of making connections.  Events take place around the country on June 4th [live streaming] three amazing women; Lesley Jane Seyour the editor of MORE magazine, Taj Williams-Franklin a WNBA coach, player and community activist and Soledad O'Brien Emmy award winning journalist.  [They] will be taking questions through social media from nationwide participants. 

Read on here and sign up today!

The live-streaming events are free!

Breaking News! There's Nothing Wrong With Women

drowning

Join me, Lisa Gates and Katie Donovan, along with co-host Jana Hlistova and Gloria Feldt for Take The Lead's monthly Smart Women Take The Lead webcast. Register here now. The live webcast will be Tuesday May 14th at 7pm BST, 2pm EDT. You can send questions via twitter using the hashtag #swttl – we’d love to hear from you! And if you miss the live program, you can always click the same link and see it on YouTube.  

Women in the age of of AnneMarieSlaughterSherylSandbergMarissaMayer are drowning in a sea of unsolicited adviceIn recent days, it’s been suggested to me (the generic woman) that I find a way to strengthen my voice (Executive Presence); jettison my womanly emotions in the workplace (don’t cry!); eliminate question marks and exclamation points from my email communications (??!!???); act more like a guy; act less like a guy (in the same article); get the best seat at the conference tableimprove my handshake; ask for more money but to do so with a smile on my face andthe pretense that it’s for someone other than myself;  pay more attention to my family than to social networking; devote more time to online social networking;  learn to golfseek sponsorsseek mentorsbrag about my accomplishments, but modestlyconform my behavior to feminine stereotypes while covertly using man-rules; and, for heaven’s sake never, ever to curse in publicOver at Princeton, it’s even been suggested that young women do what their grandmothers did –find a man who is likely to be a “good provider” while the getting is good (before graduation). My generic woman’s head is about to explode. The solution? Start by understanding there's nothing wrong with you over at the Take the Lead blog here.

WorkLife Seamlessly Arranged By Scandal's Show Runner

This is what feminist heaven looks like.

Do we have to be this successful to rearrange the world to fit one woman's life? Or could we simply realize that this is what WorkLife looks like on the day it stops being a man's world.

Scandal's show-runner Sonda Rhimes' executive-Mommy day.

As part of her Shondaland production company, Rhimes oversees some 550 actors, writers, crew members and producers, and her days are optimized to do so. In the morning, she gets her older daughter, Harper, who is 10, off to school and then contends with whatever is most urgent: writing, giving notes on a script and watching casting videos. The televisions in her office and home are connected to a system that allows her to watch real-time editing by her editors. Both of her daughters have rooms across the hall from her office at work. The younger, a perfectly chubby-cheeked 1-year-old named Emerson, comes in every day, clambering onto Rhimes’s lap during meetings.

I'm not blaming the guys when I say that the historic accident of the modern workplace wouldn't have required men to choose between work and family. They would long ago have figured out how to have both.

Oh, wait a minute. They did. It was called "wives."

In today's economy, few men have the luxury of "wives" and even fewer working mothers have the luxury of the services wives and mothers of an earlier era provided - 24-hour child, husband and extended-family care.

According the government statistics, fifty-nine percent of all married mothers work and 67% of all single women (including those widowed and divorced) work.

Let's celebrate Mothers Day by reimagining the future of WorkLife for everyone's benefit, shall we?

 

20 Reasons Gen-Y Shouldn't Work for Free

1. This whole generational “work for free’ thing is not the way things have always been – its a dysfunctional feature of Great Recession where everyone was pinching pennies and a class of unemployed young people were available to be exploited.

2. We often “hired” free interns simply because you were being hawked by your universities and graduate and professional schools. We’re sorry. We weren’t thinking clearly. When we were young, we could live off of $200/month and still pay our enormous tuitions somewhere between $600 and $3,000/year. We interned. Why not you? Because we didn’t graduate burdened by tens of thousands of dollars in student debt. Our debt was manageable. Forgive us. We weren’t thinking clearly.

3. Anyone in business – including non-profits – must generate enough money to operate. They must pay their gas and electric bills for the power they receive. You should not give your power away free just because some organizations don’t believe they can afford it.

4. There’s a one percent difference in obtaining paid employment for young people who work for free and those who do not. In other words, if you’re working for free, you only have a one percent advantage over your presumed competitors in a lazy job market.

5. Many employers don’t give internships any credence at all when reviewing your resumes. They figure, “she worked for free; this ‘job’ doesn’t tell me whether she was good enough to be hired.”

6. If you get a paid job doing clerical work in your field, you can promote yourself there while you’re being paid and rise up through the ranks (it’s a low bar to move from a clerical position where some people are working at full capacity to a more professional position)

7. You are depriving yourself of future benefits when you’re not paying payroll taxes – social security, for instance, the pay-out from which is based on your lifetime earnings.

8. If you’re working for free, you’re likely displacing clerical workers who make a living doing clerical work and cannot find jobs because – among other things – recent grads are doing their work for free.

9. No matter how little people have told you you should think of yourselves, you are a store of enormous value. If you weren’t, why did you go into debt to ready yourself for the job market . . . tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. In a market economy, value is exchanged for value. It’s the way the economy works.

10. I am stealing from you if I use the value you possess to make my business more efficient and my work more effective. STEALING!!

Continue Reading

Are Women's Initiatives Meant To Fail?

Nearly every law student in the country from the oldest grad to the youngest aspirant, learns the meaning of "intent" in civil law from the case of Garratt v. Dailey.

You may not want to hurt Bill, but if you put an apple on his head, raise your shotgun and pull the trigger, the law will say you intended to kill him in the highly likely event that your William Tell act causes Bill's death.

The rule that Garratt applies to a five-year old's decision to pull out the chair out an adult woman is about to sit in is this - if the defendant knows with a substantial certainty that his act will result in harm, he must be presumed to have intended it.

Which takes us directly to law firm women's initatives. As the National Association of Women Lawyers' 2012 survey of BigLaw women's initiatives concluded, the programing offered by BigLaw to retain and promote women does not achieve its goals. Not only that, but these women's initiatives rarely have measurable promotional goals.

As the Survey reports, even though women’s initiatives have been in effect for at least a decade, "what such initiatives actually do, and the impact they have on women in firms, is all too often not clear and at worst, open to criticism bordering on cynicism." More particularly,

fewer than half of all women’s initiatives are evaluated annually by management. Similarly, fewer than half of all women’ initiatives submit written evaluations. Moreover, it is not clear that the reporting and evaluation functions focus on specific goals. Some 40% of firms report no specific criteria at all for their evaluation. Of those who report goal-related evaluation criteria, there is often no connection to concrete advancement criteria. Thus, descriptions of evaluation criteria were often along the lines of “accomplishment of goals and activities identified at the start of each year” or “number of events, quality of events, participation level.”

 

Continue Reading

What Are Women Missing? National Girlfriends Networking Day!

This is your invitation to join The New Agenda, Ms. JD, She Negotiates, and the Women Lawyers Association of Los Angeles at Proskauer Rose in Century City on June 4, 2013, at 9 a.m. for National Girlfriends' Networking Day. We'll be networking, of course, as well as live streaming a stellar panel of successful women including Emmy Award winning journalist Soledad O'Brien, Editor-in-Chief of More Magazine Leslie Jane Seymour, angel investor and advisor of Women Entrepreneurs, Joanne Wilson, and WNBA player and coach, Taj McWilliams Franklin

This is also your invitation to attend the LIVE event in New York City and a half-dozen other live streaming events in San Jose, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Rochester and Short Hills.

Why should you attend the Second Annual National Girlfriends' Networking Day?

 Because

  • The women in your firm may mentor you (teach you the ropes) but not sponsor you (put their skin in your game).
  • Or the women in your firm may do nothing for you.
  • Or, worse, the women in your firm may sabotage you. (Men will too so don’t think this is about "cat fights" or "Queen Bees" or any other women hating tropes).

This is about the accumulation of wealth and power and no gender owns avarice or generosity. Speaking of which, a huge round of applause to Proskauer in Century City and Arnold & Porter in San Francisco for lending their offices and catering support to the live streaming events in San Francisco and Los Angeles.

Continue Reading

Are Men Bad Negotiators?

We've been talking about women's negotiation deficits for so long that we've completely neglected the men. This post is an attempt to cure that omission. Listen guys! We care about you. And we'd like to help you with your negotiation problem. 

But let's start where we've been for the past ten years ever since Linda Babcock of the Heinz Negotiation Academy for Women published Women Don't Ask

In Speaking Out About Women And Power, U.C. Berkeley Psychology Professor Tania Lombrozo describes a study in which women experienced gender blow back when they voiced their opinions “too ardently.” The social scientists conducting that study asked a group of men and women to evaluate a hypothetical CEO who was described as offering opinions as much as possible or as withholding opinions.

Unsurprisingly, female CEOs who offered opinions frequently were judged less competent and less suited to leadership than their sister CEOs who withheld their opinions. Equally unsurprising was the way in which the study judged the men – as more competent and better suited to leadership if they spoke up often and less so if they didn’t.

Too many people have concluded from studies like these that women are stuck between a gender rock and leadership hard place but men are not.

As Lombrozo is quick to note, however, men faced a complementary danger: of being perceived as poor leaders if they didn’t voice their opinions. Members of both sexes were penalized for failing to conform to traditional gender stereotypes.

Listen. We are all judged according to the culture’s expectation for our behavior. Women are expected to be kind, patient, tolerant, loving, giving and self-effacing. Men are expected to be judgmental, tough, self-seeking and self-promoting. We all suffer social sanctions – from harsh judgments to electoral defeats – when we step outside of society’s expectations.

Those who would caution us to “act our role” or suffer the consequences, however, are missing the bigger picture, as are those who urge us to ape the style of the opposite gender. Let’s take negotiation as our example.

In a recent article at Huffington Post, Joan Williams writes that women don’t negotiate because they’re not idiots, citing yet another study confirming the imposition of social sanctions on women who negotiate outside their gender role. Sara Laschever, co-author, with Linda Babcock, of Women Don’t Ask and Ask for It, immediately dropped by to assert that Williams’ article mischaracterized Babcock’s findings, explaining that the "study used only used one negotiation script, in which both the male and female negotiators asked for higher pay in a fairly aggressive way.

~~~~~~~~~

Continue Reading

More Revealing Data on Women Who 'Opt Out' Rather Than 'Lean in'

Joni Hersch, a professor of law and economics at Vanderbilt, has put numbers to these anecdotes with a research paper entitled “Opting Out among Women with Elite Education.” It is a fascinating new window onto the development of the new upper class that I described in Coming Apart. 
Hersch uses a large database, the 2003 National Survey of College Graduates, that lets her identify 1,830 women who graduated from “tier 1” educational institutions — in effect, the Ivies and other high-prestige universities like Duke and Stanford — and compare them with women who graduated from less elite schools. When women with and without children of all ages are lumped together, the graduates of tier 1 schools are employed only slightly less often than their less privileged sisters. But as soon as Hersh separates out women with children from those without, it becomes obvious that women from tier 1 schools are significantly more likely to be home with the kids than the others — 68% of mothers from the tier 1 schools were employed, compared to 76% of those from the other schools.
Subtracting from 100%, that's 32% of tier 1 moms versus 24% of moms who are graudates of less prestigious, or 1/3rd more.
A lot depends on the kind of degree that a married woman with children has obtained. If she is a physician, has a PhD, or has an MA in education (i.e., is probably a K-12 teacher), she is as likely to be employed as graduates from lower-tier schools. But those degrees involve only 24% of mothers who graduated from tier 1 schools. Those with law degrees are 9 percentage points less likely to be employed than graduates from lower-tier schools; those with MBAs are 16 percentage points less likely to be employed, and the largest single group, those with just a BA, are 13 percentage points less likely to be employed.

Joni Hersch, a professor of law and economics at Vanderbilt in a research paper entitled Opting Out among Women with Elite Education, concludes that women from the Ivies and other high-prestige univerisites like Duke and Stanford, do not opt out more often than women with less prestigious pedigrees if they are childless.

Once women of the upper classes have children, however, those from first tier universities are significantly more likely to be home with the kids than the others — 68% of mothers from the tier one schools were employed, compared to 76% of those from the other schools.

Unsurprisingly, professional women who have more control over their working schedules like physicians or Ph.Ds, as well as those in traditionally female professions such as teaching, are as likely to stay in the workforce regardless of their educational provenance. 

Those with law degrees, however, are nine percent less likely to be employed than graduates from lower-tier schools; those with MBAs are 16 percent less likely to juggle both home and worklife, and those with just a BA, are 13 percent less likely to stay in the workforce.

Let's Make Educated Guesses About the Reasons for These Statistics

Instead of focusing on class differences, let's focus on the jobs that do not erect substantially higher barriers to continued employment for women than they do for men.

Women from prestitious universities with J.D.s and MBA's tend to work in the nation's top corporations and most profitable law and consulting firms. In these industries, the leadership gaps have been stuck below 20% for the past ten years.

Continue Reading

Solving BigLaw Women's Rainmaking Credit Deficit

I've been grappling with women lawyers' origination credit problem for quite some time, writing about here (Origination Credit: Cage Match in Business Suits) and at Forbes (Bullied Out of Origination Credit? Negotiate! and Big Law Women's Initiatives | Subvert the System).

The more I read and talk to AmLaw attorneys about the way in which rainmaking credit is distributed among attorneys, the more I believe the answer for women is to take credit for their share of the work whether their firm does or not.

Before addressing how to do that, let's recall that credit is often awarded in the same way the New York Times recently said political favors continue to be doled out in Chicago - by way of a powerful but informal system of crony politics.

How do law firm partners "earn" origination credit? 

Let me count the ways.

  1. They're the first attorney in the firm to land a client the firm has never before served;
  2. They're the practice head in a specialty to whom a firm lawyer in another specialty refers the business;
  3. They're not the practice head in that specialty, but have a you-scratch-my-back-I-scratch-yours relationship with the attorney making the internal referral;
  4. They're members of one BigLaw firm's women's initiative which cross-refers within the initiative and negotiates the credit according to its own metrics of fairness;
  5. Someone with a really big book of business uses origination credit to buy favors or loyalty or to reward someone for favors and loyalty already extended;
  6. They have the reputation for excellence in the specialty which made the client call the firm rainmaker in the first place;
  7. They actually do the work so well that the client asks the firm to give the working partner some of the origination credit; 
  8. They form a relationship with the client while working on the matter and do the work so well or form such a strong bond with the client that the working partner starts looking for another "home" and brings the client's business with him; or, 
  9. They threaten to leave the firm and take clients with them unless they're given credit as an originating partner.

I can't speak for any time period after '05 when I quit practice, but some people with the ability to refer work to attorneys do so in response to "favors" ranging from a great night on the town at the best restaurants to the procurement of hookers (cf. MadMen).

Is this fair? Does it "objectively" reflect an attorney's value to his firm? Sometimes yes and sometimes no but rarely do these spoils of cronyism fall from the great banquet table of BigLaw into the laps of women, particularly women of color.

What To Do?

I'm working on this and these are just my initial thoughts which may change, particularly if challenged here. Or, I may come to hold them more strongly but able to articulate them better if challenged here. So, please. Feel free to comment.

At Your Current Firm

There's not much that can be done inside one's current firm other than to continue to put forward your case for an award of origination credit. You deserve some of the credit if you,

  1. attended the meeting/s leading to the generation of business;
  2. have a reputation for excellence in the field which was part of the "pitch" leading to the generation of business;
  3. prepared the "rainmaker" to "pitch" the client for the business; or,
  4. lead the team of lawyers that do a great job for a new client that generates the next piece of business that comes to the firm.

At a New Firm

When you're making a lateral move and are asked how big your "book" was the previous year or two, I'd tell the new firm the dollar value of the work you were responsible for generating rather than the dollar value your firm credited to your account.

Continue Reading

The Congressional Super Committee Should Be 50% Women

 

Why should the Congressional Super Committee be 50% women? Let me count the ways.

  1. women are 50% of the electorate (talk about taxation, cuts or spending without representation)
  2. it’s not “affirmative action” to include half the population in the country’s decision making process
  3. it only takes three women on any Board of Directors to significantly and immediately favorably impact the bottom line (no, we’re not better, we just destroy group-think)
  4. it’s God’s plan – one man, one woman, right anti-gay activists?
  5. more women, fewer testosterone-fueled ultimatums (I didn’t say none, I just said fewer)

To make your voice heard, click here. Read Deloitte’s The Gender Dividend to learn more about the need for women at the table. While you're at it, read Leslie Bradshaw's recent ForbesWoman post Why Women Having a Seat at the Table is Not Enough.

After the jump is the Women’s Media Center press release that gave rise to this post.

>>continue here>>

 

Change Women Lawyers' Working World Today!

I'd like to take a little bit of your time to talk to you about sponsoring the Annual South Carolina Women Lawyers Conference scheduled for October 21, 2011

Why South Carolina? 

Because for the past 19 years the same group of women has been hosting an "I Believe Anita Hill Party." 

This year is the 20th anniversary of the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill hearings which legitimized women's complaints of sexual harassment in the workplace. This is a particularly timely year in women's professional history to revisit the Hill-Thomas hearings in light of the DSK, Schwarzgenegger and Weiner scandals. 

Professor Hill will be the keynote speaker at the South Carolina Women Lawyers' Leadership Summit the day after the Anita Hill "party." Professor Hill will kick off the morning of the Summit on October 21 with the keynote speech.

That same afternoon, I will be leading a panel discussing the intersection of sexual harassment and implicit gender bias with Gloria Steinem (founder of Ms. Magazine and the Martin Luther King, Jr. of the second wave women's movement); Gloria Feldt, feminist activist and author of No Excuses, Nine Ways Women Can Change the Way We Think About Power; Shelby Knox, "star" of the Sundance documentary "The Education of Shelby Knox," now working for change.org, and, Jamia Wilson, Vice-President of Programs at the Women's Media Center in New York City, which trains and promotes women in media, an organization co-founded by Steinem and Jane Fonda.

This panel of two of the most noted leaders of the Second Wave Women's Movement and two Gen-Y feminist activists will talk about solutions to a problem to which no one yet has an answer.

My small start-up company, She Negotiates Consulting and Training, is working to promote women to positions of leadership through their own efforts within a supportive community of women in business and the professions.

She Negotiates is a Diamond Patron Sponsor of the South Carolina Women Lawyers' Conference and we invite you to sponsor this historic event too.

As a former attorney (and current mediator and AAA arbitrator) I am all too familiar with BigLaw's failure to retain and promote their women. We at She Negotiates believe that only by encouraging women to support other women will we finally close the wage, income and leadership gap that seems so intractable. 

The next firm to become a Diamond Sponsor can introduce the Feldt-Steinem, et al. panel and receive four tickets to the event. Here's the Sponsor Form. Please donate today. No donation is too small!

Why the Federal Budget Negotiations Matter to Women

As Bill Maher so hilariously explained, the three primary servings on America’s debt plate are social security, medicare/medicaid and defense. All other government expenses are just garnish – a sprig of parsley, a caper or two, those tiny corncobs you avoid at networking events and a bit of radish.

Assuming (without admitting) that we need to expend $680 billion annually on military hardware and personnel to defend ourselves against invaders from foreign shores, the only meaningful reductions in spending will have to come from delayed or diminished social security and medicare/medicaid benefits.

We’re not talking about funding for the arts (parsley); Planned Parenthood (capers); or, education (tiny corncobs). We’re talking about monies devoted to the most needy among us. And most of the most needy among us are women.

continue »

It's Not Only Women Who Must Fight Negotiation Gender Bias

I have a confession to make. Men who are highly empathic, soft-spoken, and extremely agreeable make me nervous. I was given reason for this self-reflection today on reading the most recent bargaining post at Harvard’s Program on Negotiation blog.

According to the brainiacs who study these things, women who are able to read the emotional state of others and satisfy their behavioral expectations are more effective team leaders and better negotiators than either their empathy-deficient female or empathy-enabled male colleagues.

As the Harvard post notes, studies by B-School professors Francis Flynn and Daniel Ames, have demonstrated that women who were best able to read their work team’s emotions and alter their own behavior to please them, were rated as being more persuasive, better leaders and more efficient conflict resolvers than their stiff-necked peers.

In a second study, Flynn and Ames found that female people-pleasers not only “outperformed women who didn’t see themselves as especially adaptive” to other’s expectations, but also outperformed people-pleasing men.

Continue reading here.

How Inclusivity Can Save the AmLaw 100

 

Let’s start with a statement about which there can be no controversy. The healthiest law firm is one that uses its human resources most efficiently.

By now, anyone following women in business has read or heard about the 2007 Catalyst Report, The Bottom Line: Corporate Performance and Women’s Representation on Boards, demonstrating that the prime markers of business success – return on equity, return on sales, and return on invested capital — show marked improvement in Fortune 500 companies when there are at least three women on the Board of Directors.

This phenomenon does not occur because women are better managers. Improved corporate performance occurs as a result of diversity alone. As Harvard Business School professors Lakshmi Ramarajan and David Thomas explained in their 2010 working paper A Positive Approach to Studying Diversity in Organizations, the notion that minority board members bring unique information to the table that leads to improved performance, though beneficial, does not account for better results.

Rather, “mere membership in a diverse group is sufficient to motivate enhanced information sharing and processing and thereby improve group performance.”

Diversity Immediately Hits the Bottom Line.

You’d think that law firm managing partners and its business leadership would leap on this information and transform their diversity initiatives from the tepid initiatives they remain, with little funding beyond the maintenance of a web page - see how committed to diversity we are! - and the occasional public exhortation to hire, promote and retain women and minorities.

Yes, I’m talking to you AmLaw 100! with your miserable record in promoting and retaining women and minorities. We know that in your heart of hearts you’ve all but given up that which you’ve never sufficiently funded. But I’m being negative again . . .

Read on at ForbesWoman here.

 

How Women Can Save the American Economy Part II

It’s been two years now since Claire Shipman and Katty Kay gave us the key to saving the American economy with their book womenomics. As The Daily Beast wrote at the time,

Companies are finding that women’s management styles are not only different, but good for business. It’s now pretty clear that Mars and Venus have muscled their way into the boardroom, too. When it comes to business styles, women are more open and inclusive than men. We tend to encourage broader participation in meetings and like to foster consensus. We nurture subordinates more effectively and prefer conciliation over confrontation, empathy over ego. We are also more cautious, more risk averse. We take a longer term view of decision making than men.

I don’t want to get all gender wars about this. Listen, whether you spell the name of the creator as Natural Selection or God, the order of things is half women and half men. Who are we to disagree? If women are seeking consensus, perhaps men are asserting power. If women are nurturing subordinates, maybe men are firing people who cannot be encouraged to perform.

continue »

How Women Can Save the American Economy

Economic recovery depends upon the entrepreneurial class. We’re the ones who are the prime movers of new job creation. That’s what Lesa Mitchell tells us this morning in her post Women Entrepreneurs Are Trapped Within Glass Walls“The new firms on their way to becoming big,” she writes, “create the lion’s share of new jobs, and become the anchors for new industries.” The new Google, Apple, and Microsoft. That’s where new jobs are made. We women, who are vastly over-represented in public employment and therefore lagging behind the guys in recovery from joblessness (Women Trail Men in New Job Gains) are not playing the role our country needs us to play to get people back to work. Frankly, we’d really rather be rearranging our sock drawers. Read on at the Forbes Woman She Negotiates Blog.

Duke v. Wal-Mart at Forbes Woman: Implicit Gender Bias and Social Science Evidence

For Supreme Court watchers, here's my article on Duke v. Wal-Mart over at the She Negotiates ForbesWoman blog, Wal-Mart Discrimination Case Grapples with Implicit Biases against Women.

As the New York Times‘ Adam Liptak reported today, the Supreme Court will decide on Tuesday whether 1.5 million women will be permitted to proceed with their gender discrimination class action against Wal-Mart.

The high court is being asked to decide what role it believes social science research should play in determining whether implicit bias is responsible for women’s underpay and under-representation in Wal-Mart’s management ranks. At the center of the Supreme Court case is the testimony of Sociology Professor William T. Bielby, at University of Illinois at Chicago.

Briefs and articles for the serious student of Constitutional Law below.

Ninth Circuit Opinion in Dukes v. Wal-Mart

Opening Brief

Opposition Brief

Reply Brief

Thanks to Rex Stevens for passing these links along to me.

The Week at ForbesWoman

Negotiating for Something You Think You Can’t Get? Show Up in Drag posted by LISA GATES

Jane, like her male counterparts, has a big truck with her company logo plastered on the doors, lots of specialized tools and ladders, a crew of talented helpers, 20 years in the business and several pairs of Carhartt jeans and Timberland boots (NYSE:TBL).

When she shows up to meet potential clients, she dresses like a woman and makes sure there’s no dirt under her fingernails. It’s a “presentation” thing she says. According to Jane, if she clomps into prospective clients’ gardens wearing muck boots, it’s as much of a turn-off to her prospective clients as it is being gay.

Double binds and deep and abiding biases cause many women to make extreme choices.

continue »

What is the SAT’s ‘Jersey Shore’ Essay Question Really Asking? posted by KATIE PHILLIPS

Last Saturday, the College Board served up a mega-curveball for high school students across America: it asked them to write an essay about reality television. The question, one out of three possible essay topics distributed at random, described reality television as programs “which feature real people engaged in real activities rather than professional actors performing scripted scenes” and then asked whether “people benefit from forms of entertainment that show so-called reality, or are such forms of entertainment harmful?”

Definitely not what kids who have spent countless hours brushing up on their Shakespeare, Chaucer, and Dickens had expected.

These are the kids that are too busy studying, playing soccer, or taking piano lessons in the hopes of receiving an acceptance letter to a great college — they don’t have the time to watch or interest in the comings-and-goings of Jersey Shore’s Snooki and The Situation. These are, not surprisingly, the same kids who are complaining of the question’s ‘unfairness’ – many of whom have lamented on online forums such as College Confidential that they don’t watch any television, let alone reality shows.

The College Board, in response, has defended its prompt; saying that it was an attempt to “engage students”, and that “everything a student needs to write a successful essay is included in the prompt itself.” Meaning, they’re not grading students on how well they can opine about the Kardashians, but rather how well they can structure an essay.

continue »

Money, Power, and Self-Determination Make Women Unhappy posted by VICTORIA PYNCHON

That’s what author Suzanne Venker’s saying in her new book The Flipside of Feminism.

Forty years have passed since the so-called women’s movement claimed to liberate women from preconceived notions of what it means to be female – and the results are in. The latest statistics from the National Bureau of Economic Research show that “as women have gained more freedom, more education, and more power, they have become less happy.”

Over at Washington Whispers, Paul Bedard has pulled from Venker’s book, Five Ways That Feminism Has Ruined America

It hurt marriage. Women want to wait so that they can keep their identities longer and men are finding easy sex, taking away a big reason for marriage.

Emasculates men. It’s better to be a wuss than speak up or mouth off and face charges of harassment or chauvinism.

continue »

The Internet, Freedom of Speech and the Anti-Gay App posted by VICTORIA PYNCHON

Pressure is mounting on Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL) to rid its store of an Anti-Gay App. Over at the Huffington Post, Wayne Bessen writes that Exodus International, the largest Christian organization offering a “cure” for homosexuality, is bragging that Apple gave it a 4+ rating, signifying the absence of “offensive content.”

I downloaded the Exodus App today to see whether it contained something akin to hate speech which has been variously defined as any communication which disparages a person or a group on the basis of some characteristic such as race or sexual orientation; or attacks or disparages a person or group of people based on their social or ethnic group.

At the risk of putting myself at the center of a firestorm of disapproval, I have to say that what I viewed and read on the Exodus app was not hate speech but simply the expression of religious beliefs with which I, and many other people, disagree.

Exodus International appears to be a non-denominational religious organization that believes homosexuality is a sin. It also promotes the idea that this sin can be relieved by establishing a spiritual relationship with Jesus.

continue »

 

When You're Ready to Seriously Negotiate that 10-Year Case, Read 50 Blog Posts that Will Make You a Better Negotiator

Over at B-School today, you'll find a collection of blog posts that will give you an entire semester's worth of negotiation knowledge, training and (if you practice) experience. Don't miss it. Excerpt below and link here.

Learning to be a great negotiator is a skill that will serve you in a variety of situations. Whether you're buying a car, setting a salary, or in an international business deal, negotiation skills are essential to getting what you want. These blog posts share tips, strategies, and more for becoming a better negotiator.

Ladies and gentlemen, start your settlement engines. Your clients will repay you with more work than you can handle!

Earthquakes, Demonization, Disparities in Speaker Fees, Women Billionaires, Spider-Man's Director Exits Stage Left and Negotiate the Car of Your Dreams

The week at our ForbesWoman She Negotiates blog.

From The Japanese Quake, Pearl Harbor, Karmic Payback and Cognitive Biases.

Pearl Harbor is unfortunately a trending Twitter topic because millions of little microphones have been given to people unable to think things through.

People who say the Japanese “deserve” it, like those who believe that AIDS is God’s punishment for immorality, are suffering from a cognitive bias called Fundamental Attribution Error. Here at She Negotiates, we’re deeply concerned with cognitive biases because they cause otherwise kind and rational people to believe that their neighbors are mean-spririted, ill-willed or downright evil.

And that prevents us from being compassionate, helping out in times of crisis or negotiating the resolution of disputes.

Instead of becoming mired in the debate between the  Japan-deserved-it tweeters and those who call the tweeters stupid jerks, let’s use the trending Pearl Harbor-Japanese earthquake topic as a teaching moment.

From Excuse Me for Having to be Rescued: Negotiating Order in Japan.

Today, the newspaper of record for Los Angeles, its own readership jumpy and restless, tells us that the Japanese are maintaining order by exhibiting behavior (“impeccable manners”) that most Westerners would consider overly deferential and needlessly self-sacrificing.

From Please Don't Buy Me Retail - Negotiating with Professionals

The Women Don't Ask author quoted her keynote fee as $10,000, which is an eminently fair price. A man of similar provenance would have asked for at least twenty grand. If you’re skeptical about that, check out the fees at BigSpeak which lists a couple of male Harvard Business Professors at $40,000 + (Clayton M. Christensen) and $20,001 to $40,000 (John A. Davis) while quoting a couple of women at the top of the corporate ladder at $7,500 to $10,000 (former Accenture managing partner and author Susan Bulter) and $10,001 to $20,000 (Kate White, Editor-in-Chief of Cosmopolitan and New York Times Best-Selling Author).

From  Julie Taymor's Departure from Spider-Man Should Surprise No One

On reflection, this sui generis extravaganza likely required a division of duties and multiplication of talent from the beginning. If Spider-Man’sticket sales cool in response to its present deficiencies, Charlie Sheen, on temporary hiatus from reality, should still be available to make this multi-vehicle pile-up of a Broadway musical into a hot ticket again.

From The World's Women Billionaires 

It's not that we believe that economic power concentrated in any gender will necessarily be better, it's that the natural order of things – women and men together in roughly equal numbers powering life on the planet – will necessarily be better. If it’s not God’s plan, it is surely the plan of nature which got us to where we now sit – ascendent above the planet’s other animals – the result of opposable thumbs and bio-diversity.

From Negotiating with Nissan: Pay What You Want for the Car of Your Dreams

If negotiation is a conversation leading to agreement, that conversation requires two people. Meaning that you (yeah, you!) with your dead Toyota actually have a voice and something to say to Mr. Pointy-Shoes at the car dealership. >Before laughing at or trembling before that guy, enter his point of view for a moment. How is he going to try to work with you as a customer? He wants to maximize the dealership's profit because he makes a living by skimming a small part of that profit off of the deal as a commission. You need something from him, but he also needs something from you. You’ve got the money, which is always a good negotiation position to be in. Remember the “golden rule?” He who has the gold makes the rules.

Are We Our Sisters' Keepers? Why are Women Lawyers Not Speaking Up?

Last week at ForbesWoman -- full post here. Excerpt below.

[Last week] I learned that Women Lawyers, Law Students Aren’t Speaking Up in several places including The Lawyerist in its post Women Lawyers: Silence Isn’t Always Golden by Staci Zaretsky.

WTF??????????

The most competitive and ambitious women in the land are stifling themselves?

Looks like it.

  • women law students are less likely than their male classmates to participate in classroom discussions
  • women law students are less likely to seek advice from their professors
  • women law students are more likely to be motivated by fear (that’s ok, of course, so long as you do what the river guides tell you to do – paddle through your fear!)

Still, we graduate from law school and often do so with high honors or we wouldn’t represent such a large proportion of the new associate ranks in the best firms in the land. All first year associates are frightened. They don’t know a thing, really. Certainly not how to practice law.

It Takes Courage!

It’s a very adult task to speak up for a major American corporation likeFord Motor Company (NYSE:F) in court; to make an objection to the question asked by the deep-voiced man of advanced years sitting across the conference table from you harassing your client in a deposition. It takes courage to tell a jury of twelve strangers that your client was innocent even though five by-standers identified him as the guy who robbed the Circle K (CLKSF:OTCUS).

So we “woman up” when we get that first job and speak up, right?

According to a recent study, apparently not.

We argue only 15% of all cases heard by the Supreme Court. One of those 15% tells Stephanie Rabiner that “women don’t like verbal jousting” and are “horrified” by the controversy it might cause to take a case to the highest court in the land.

Really? Really??

There’s Work to Be Done

O.K. You don’t care that much about money. And you’d really rather have a balanced lifestyle, which you’re hoping will allow you to just go to work, put in your hours, come home and tend to the children who, you hope, you’ll be able to comfortably accommodate into your work-life. You ski. You travel to exotic places. You want to buy a home – an acquisition thatChris Buckley says gives you the right to use the Yuppie Nuremberg Defense - I have a mortgage to pay.

That life you’re imagining rests on the shoulders of the women who broke this path for you. But that’s ok. We didn’t want to create a generation of women who were grateful. We wanted to create a generation of women who would stick up for themselves and for their sisters.

As Gloria Steinem once said, “it’s ok if young women don’t remember whoI am. It’s only important that they remember who they are.”

But listen up ladies, women, sisters, fellow barristers and advocates. There’s work to be done in the world. You have  the education and the training necessary to make a difference at the highest levels of power. And if you choose not to use that power  . . . well . . . at least have the decency to feel just a little bit guilty about it.

Here’s What You Have the Power to Change according to Nicholas Kristof’s Half the Sky.

  • more than 107 million women are missing from the globe today
  • more girls have been killed in the last fifty years because of their gender than men were killed in all the wars of the 20th century
  • more girls are killed in this routine gendercide in any one decade than people were slaughtered in all the genocides of the twentieth century
  • every year another 2 million girls worldwide disappear because of gender discrimination
  • of the 600,000 to 800,000 people who are trafficked across international borders every year, 80% are women and girls, who are imprisoned , beaten and raped many times every day of the week to serve the world’s sex trade
  • the global sex trade is larger in absolute terms than the entire Atlantic slave trade was in the 18th and 19th centuries

Feel like speaking up in class yet?

How about that bill pending in an American state legislature that wouldmake the murder of a physician providing abortion services to your sisters, your daughters and your mothers justifiable homocide?

You’re a lawyer. Doesn’t that seem wrong to you?

No well-behaved woman ever made history. Nor did she end the international slave trade in little girls.

Ready to misbehave yet?

She Negotiates on NPR with Jennifer Ludden

gesture.jpg

 

Go to npr here.

The Week at ForbesWoman

We've had a busy week over at ForbesWoman in articles and blog posts covering:

The Davos World Economic Forum

The paucity of women at the Davos Economic Forum despite how rich the ones who attended are as described in this post by Forbes staff writer Louisa Kroll, The Richest Women at Davos.

Women's Davos Wardrobe Dilemmas covered by Moira Forbes as an unfortunate but still critical factor for the display of power necessary to be a player at the World Economic Forum.

A photo gallery of the executive conferences women CEOs love best.

The Continued Assault on the Glass Ceiling

Aman Singh's post on Why So Many Top Women Don't Make it to Executive Leadership.

Jenna Goudreau's Jobs Outlook:Careers Headed for the Trash Pile


Continue Reading

Yes, You Should Ask for a Raise or Increase Your Rates This Year

See the series of articles on the topic over at ForbesWomanWhy Every Woman Should Ask for a Raise this Year; and, Why We Women Fail to Ask for Raises and What Happens When We Do, most of which is also applicable to men.  Excerpt from the first article below:

You deserve a raise this year because you are working harder, longer and faster than you were before the recession. And as msnbc reported in 2009, you are doing so for less, not more, money.

 That means you are not only doing your own job, you’re also doing the jobs your laid off colleagues were doing. You’ll be difficult to replace because of that. Not only because John and Mary’s jobs are not in your historic employment description, but because fewer people will want to take on the work you’re doing now for the salary you’re now being paid.

 Your employer may need to hire two people to replace you. He or she will also have to incur the expense of hiring one or more new employees.

 You are more valuable than you believe yourself to be. You therefore have more bargaining strength than you believe yourself to have.

How to ask for a raise over at She Negotiates tomorrow.

Negotiating Leadership with Gloria Feldt's No Excuses

Whether we’re working on the transformation of women’s lives in the workplace, the home, or on the national stage, an unbelievably powerful network of women is growing, most of it under the radar of today’s power structure. There are numerous ways into this network – through finance, law, leadership, science, entrepreneurism, politics and dozens of others.  And there’s no better place to start than by buying, reading, and applying the lessons of Gloria Feldt’s No Excuses.

For a short review of Feldt's book, click here for post at ForbesWoman.

Rx for Negotiation Anxiety over at ForbesWoman

Come on over to the ForbesWoman She Negotiates Blog to learn how to improve your negotiation performance by writing about it in advance. Excerpt below. Full article at the link.

In a recent effort to remedy the persistent problem of women performing poorly on math tests, researchers at the University of Chicago asked women to write about their test-anxiety or about their personal values. It didn’t matter whether the women wrote about their values or about their fears, having journaled in preparation for their math tests, their scores improved one full grade. See The Write Way to Reduce Test Anxiety at U.S. World and News Report.

[Researcher] Sian Beilock [said] that “[o]ne small snippet of writing can be enough to boost performance. Writing for eight or 10 minutes before the test put anxious students on a par with students who didn’t worry.”

Here’s the most important finding for women who continue to resist negotiating on their own behalves.

“Women who tended to believe that men were better than women at physics showed the greatest improvement” in test scores when they wrote about their values or fears in preparation for their examinations.

Journal your values and journal your fear

I’m particularly pleased to learn of this research because the She Negotiates training is conducted on an online journaling-learning platform. My business partner and I have long wondered why the women who take this course nearly always report a transformative result that impacts all areas of their lives.

“It’s because of the word journal,” I’ve said to my partner. “It allows women to go deep.”

We cannot simply give women negotiation strategies and tactics, expecting them to go out into the commercial world and use them.

We need to provide women with a community learning experience in which they’re able to connect their fear of negotiation to the culture in which that fear developed like the old consciousness raising sessions of the Second Wave Women’s Movement. We need not only negotiation skills, but the confidence and sense of entitlement to use them.

The Week at ForbesWoman's "She Negotiates" Blog

We kicked off the new year over at ForbesWoman this past Sunday with my short think-post on gay marriage and the razor's edge on which we women negotiate for ourselves - both of which I tied to our fear of losing the benefits and the restraining influences of traditional gender roles.  See Negotiating Sex and Gender here. There's also a bit of instructive back-and-forth in the comments on the question whether the income gap is a systemic problem or simply the result of women being . . . well . . . lazy bitches. Those who know me well can marvel at my admirable restraint.

On Monday, The Daily Asker, Roxana Popescu, penned the most popular She Negotiates post of the week - Six Things Every Woman Should Ask for in 2011. Roxana is a black-belt "asker," taking the opportunity to negotiate literally everything. She'll be adding six more categories of "asks" over at our ForbesWoman blog today so keep an eye peeled for it.

And though Roxana doesn't know it yet, we're planning on having her lead day-long bargaining expeditions in 2011 for those who don't notice the dozens of opportunities that present themselves to us every day for a little haggling. Stay tuned for that announcement over at our home She Negotiates site. For more information on Roxana's "asking" quest, see Day One:  Can I Ask for Something Every Day for a Year.

On Tuesday, She Negotiates rested so that Wednesday could bring you Forget Resolutions: Disrupt and Execute in 2011, by She Negotiates co-founder Lisa Gates. I'd just been telling a book publicist how I'd been dying the death of a thousand book promotion cuts. A couple of hundred here, a thousand there, went out to consultants in 2010 who simply threw me back on my own promotional resources with a little advice about working different or harder. That's what I hired you for! If you're suffering from a similar consultant-overload dis-ease, go no further than consulting with Lisa Gates where the focus is implement and execute. She changed my life. Let her change yours for the better in 2011.

Yesterday, our Gen-Y blogger Katie Phillips, recently graduated from the Tisch School of Arts at NYU, wrote in despair and celebration of entering the unknown in Negotiating Uncertainty: Gen-Y Women are Busy Being Born. Our boomer readers will see themselves in the same circumstances thirty or forty years ago, but this post is not for us. It's Gen-Y to Gen-Y and one of the finest pieces of writing you're likely to see anywhere on ForbesWoman. Really. Check it out.

With part 2 of Roxana's six tips for 2011 today, we'll close the week in asking, haggling, bargaining, negotiating, trading, and bartering for the first week of the new year. Please let us know which topics would be most useful to you for us to cover as we make 2011 not just the Year of Recovery, but the Year of Abundance! 

Happy Holidays from She Negotiates and the ABCs of Conflict

Fa la la la la la la la la . . . . 

 

Catch us over at ForbesWoman on the battle of the Gens and why peace and gratitude will bring prosperity to all in 2011.

 

With gratitude to all of our ForbesWoman She Negotiates Bloggers:  Lisa Gates, Katie Phillips, Roxana Popescu and our kindly editor Caroline Howard.

 

RudolphDrawing3.jpg

Fighting at the Thanksgiving Table? Let Conflict Be Your Zen Master!

From Z is for Zen Master in A is for Asshole, the Grownups' ABCs of Conflict Resolution.

Dr. Kenneth Cloke tells us that every conflict “occurs at the intersection, or crossroads, between problems we need to solve in order to grow and skills we do not yet possess. With each level of growth and development, we experience fresh conflicts and transcend old ones that we not only successfully resolve, but develop the skills to move beyond.”

Let’s take marriage, or long-term relationships of any kind. Whenever I complain about a conflict with my husband, my friend the Buddhist reminds me that my husband is my Zen master. Her reminder focuses my attention back on myself and what I have to learn from the dispute I’m having with my husband. The two of us are like the couple in Anne Tyler’s novel, The Accidental Tourist. We sometimes feel like rivals competing for the “better housekeeper” award. Should I win the prize for insight and understanding even though I am haphazard and mercurial in my habits? Or should the blue ribbon be awarded to my husband who is methodical and steady? When we first met, he loved my spontaneity and I his dependable nature. Now his steadiness irritates me and my disorganization angers him.

This intractable meta dispute – the dispute on which all others are based – evaporates when I realize it has something to teach me about my own character and presents a challenge against which that character could possibly develop. What if we solved the immediate problem? “If only you’d put your car keys in the same place every time,” my husband says for the umpteenth time, “you wouldn’t have to spend twenty minutes searching for them.” I could choose to shift the argument to my home court (“you are too controlling”) or take the lesson that a little advance planning might ease rather than burden my busy day.

Here’s the transformative part. When I change in a fundamental way, the people in my life inevitably change in relation to my change. Once my husband and I resolve the order-versus-chaos problem, he will have to find someone else to play the "I'm more orderly than you" game or give it up altogether. If his desire is truly to help me lead a more efficient and productive life rather than “trying to control me,” the two of us can move on to greater, more interesting challenges than this one on which we have been stuck for years. The same is true for relations between workers, members of extended families, red states and blue, and America against the rest of the world.

If we were finally able to resolve our differences over, say, the separation of church and state, we could free up our energy to address other pressing problems, like poverty and intolerance, the environment and health care, and full employment for anyone with the desire to work as a contributing member of the society. Conflict among human societies has caused incalculable loss and suffering. It is also the way in which people have finally stood up for human rights, self-governance, peaceful dispute resolution, independence, and tolerance of differences.   If we encounter conflict with courage and self-reflection, it can and will lead us, and those who surround us, to greater freedom and authenticity, to greater self-reliance, acceptance, accountability, forgiveness and, at long last, a far more peaceful world.

"You Park Like an Asshole" ~ How Not to Commence Negotiations

book.jpgPriming Legal Negotiations is the winner of this week's Golden Asshole Award. /*  An autographed copy of A is for Asshole, the Grownups' ABCs of Conflict Resolution will be winging its way to author Carrie Sperling, Executive Director of the Arizona Justice Project today!  Excerpt below.  Full article at the link.  

Thanks to the Legal Writing Prof Blog for the head's up.

As I left for work one crisp, sunny April morning, I spotted a five-by-seven printed form on my car’s front windshield. The form’s message proclaimed, in large, bold letters, “youparklikeanasshole.” The form had a checklist of infractions like “two spots, one car,” “that’s a compact?” and “over the painted lines.”The bottom of the printed form said,

Parking is far too limited in our overcrowded streets and parking lots, and you happened to park like an asshole. Go to the above web site to see why someone else thought you parked like an asshole. Don’t be too offended, we all do it one time or another—it just so happens you got caught.

My next-door neighbor, who evidently put the note on my car, listed my infraction as “other” with a follow-up explanation written by hand: “You are parking too close to my garage. It’s hard for me to pull my truck in.” I studied the note for a few moments. I felt my heart start to pound and my whole body became uncomfortably warm. I wadded the note and tossed it. I was angry. When I arrived at work twenty minutes later, I was still angry. I told my co-workers about the note.

They all agreed with me; it was rude and inappropriate.

When I returned home that evening, I visited with neighbors who were not complaining about my parking. I showed them the note, now crumpled and dirty. They, too, became angry. One neighbor suggested exacting revenge on the note’s author by letting the air out of his tires. Another neighbor excitedly suggested something involving Crisco. Although I am a trained mediator, I became giddy about the prospect of getting even.

Perhaps it was a moment of self reflection that led me to question why I was even thinking of revenge. But that written demand evoked intense emotions in me and in my neighbors. We did not care about investigating appropriate responses or attempting to resolve the problem; we wanted to make my neighbor pay for his rude behavior. Instead of encouraging me to change my behavior in the way my neighbor requested, the note had an entirely different effect. The written demand prompted me to make my neighbor regret placing that note on my windshield.

This incident led me to question the legal demand letters lawyers write. I wondered if demand letters often evoke similar negative emotional reactions in their recipients. And, if so, do those emotions influence the recipients’ behaviors in ways that hinder settlement?

I'll be providing a template for a negotiation request letter later today.

And all kidding aside, this article should be required reading for every legal writing class in every law school in the country!

Cross-posted at The ABCs of Conflict Resolution Blog.

__________________

*/  The Golden Asshole Award is given once a month to the individual making the greatest contribution to reducing assholishness in the profession.

Extreme Negotiations at HBR

Check out Extreme Negotiations at Harvard Business Review this month (kicker:  What U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan have learned about the art of managing high-risk, high-stakes situations).

I have to tell you that I believe every one of our She Negotiates graduates understands and knows how to use the bullet point takeaways from Extreme Negotiations below.  Let me also say it's not enough to read about these techniques ~ you must practice practice practice practice.

Get the Big Picture

  • avoid assuming you have all the facts
  • avoid assuming the other side is biased but you're not
  • avoid assuming the other side's motivations and intentions are obvious and nefarious
  • instead, be curious ("help me understand"); humble ("what do I do wrong?") and open-minded ("is there another way to explain this?")

Uncover and Collaborate

  • avoid making open-ended offers ("what do you want")
  • avoid making unilateral offers ("I'd be willing to . . . "
  • avoid simply agreeing to or refusing the other side's demands
  • instead ask "why is that important to you?"
  • proposed solutions for critique ("here's a possibility - what might be wrong with it?")

Elicit Genuine Buy-in

  • avoid threats ("you'd better agree, or else . . . "
  • avoid arbitrariness ("I want it because I want it."
  • avoid close-mindedness ("under no circumstances will I agree to - or even consider - that proposal"
  • instead appeal to fairness ("what should we do?")
  • appeal to logic and legitimacy ("I think this makes sense because . . . ")
  • consider constituent perspectives ("how can each of us explain this agreement to colleagues?"

Build Trust

  • avoid trying to "buy" a good relationship
  • avoid offering concessions to repair actual or perceived breaches of trust
  • instead explore how a breakdown in trust may have occurred and how to remedy it
  • make concessions only if they are a legitimate way to compensate for losses owing to your nonperformance or broken commitments
  • treat counterparts with respect, and act in ways that will command theirs.

Focus on process

  • avoid acting without gauging how your actions will be perceived and what the response will be
  • ignoring the consequences of a given action for future as well as current negotiations
  • instead talk about the process ("we seem to be at an impasse; perhaps we should send some more time exploring our respective objectives and constraints."_
  • slow down the pace:  ("I'm not ready to agree, but I'd prefer not to walk away either.  I think this warrants further exploration.")
  • issue warnings without making threats:  ("unless you're willing to work with me toward a mutually acceptable outcome, I can't afford to spend more time negotiating")

I'll be blogging on each one of these steps in the negotiation process for the next two weeks so stay tuned.

Cross posted at She Negotiates and the ABCs of Conflict Resolution.

 

 

 

How to get a raise in 2011 (the bullet point outline with a special note for women)

  • UNCOUPLE YOUR PRESENT VALUE FROM WHAT YOU MADE LAST YEAR
    • your present compensation serves as a powerful anchor of your value to your employer's advantage
    • the following suggestions are a way of re-anchoring that value so that your starting point is greater than what you made this year
    •  recalibrate your value according to what you are worth in your employer's hands, i.e., what does your employer save or make based upon the work you do (this may require research on your part)
    • use that value in setting your desired compensation (also include the cost to your employer of replacing irreplaceable you)
  • ASK DIAGNOSTIC QUESTIONS
    • begin asking your employer and superiors diagnostic questions (questions designed to learn what your employer needs, desires and prefers and what your employer is most concerned about in regard to the continued profitability of his/her business)
      • "how's business" is a great open ended diagnostic question that does not assume the answer
      • more specific questions include "what does the company need to accomplish in the first quarter of 2011 to meet its financial goals?"; "what are the company's first quarter financial goals?" "what do you see as the primary obstacles to achieving those goals?" "what do you see as the primary drivers of success in reaching those goals" etc. etc.
      • don't ask these questions impromptu; write them down as a way of brainstorming the most powerful questions and those that would be easiest to ask

Continue Reading

Closing the Wage Gap by Negotiating for Ourselves

Gen Y Learns to Negotiate on the Streets of Naples

 

Click on the ForbesWoman link for the newest "She Negotiates" columnist, Roxana Popescu who here not only learns the lessons of street haggling, but who "outs" herself as the Daily Asker!

Nothing, and I mean nothing makes me happier than watching this new generation of women grow. Please drop by the Daily Asker and ForbesWoman to meet the brilliant and inspirational Roxana!

The Forbes Woman She Negotiates Column: Be an Artist!

 

Who's Too Big to Fail? We Are!

Cross-posted at She Negotiates

What does this man have that you don't?

A year-end 2009 salary of $21,340,547 during one of the worst year's in the history of his industry ~ banking.

Listen!  The recession is just another excuse for not paying you what you're worth.

How do we know?

Because the most effective negotiators on the planet ~ corporate CEO's ~ are finding the downturn to be the best time to squeeze every last living dollar out of their employers.

If they can do it, so can you!

 Here's the evidence:

Bank of America Corp.
Thomas Montag
2009 Total Compensation: $29,930,431
JPMorgan Chase & Co.
James Dimon
2009 Total Compensation:
$9,274,494
Citigroup Inc.
John Havens
2009 Total Compensation: $11,276,454
Morgan Stanley
Walid Chammah
2009 Total Compensation: $10,021,969
The Goldman Sachs Group Inc.
Lloyd Blankfein
2009 Total Compensation: $9,862,657
Wells Fargo
John Stumpf
2009 Total Compensation: $21,340,547

 Whhaaaaaatttttt? do these men have that you don't have?

  • Social networks with rich and powerful people who sit on their Boards of Directors and influence policy makers and Wall Street power brokers
  • The self-created illusion that they are "too big to fail" /1
  • The persuasive argument that only they, with their unique combination of experience, education, knowledge, savvy, can-do-spirit, and leadership qualities can pull these banks out of the sinkhole of the recession.
  • Friends in very high places.
  • Chutzpah and shamelessness (not that we'd want to encourage this second character flaw in our readers).
  • Self-satisfaction.
  • Entitlement.
  • An employment history of asking for and receiving increasing levels of compensation based upon their salary negotiations at every career point possible (and every career point impossible)
  • the demonstrated ability to produce results (our readers do possess this strength but haven't used it to their greatest advantage yet)
  • the tendency to measure their market value by their value in the hands of their employer, not by what they "need" or what they are "worth" according to some internal metric that depends upon how they feel about thier accomplishments.

__________________

1/  This is where collective action comes in.  When we aggregate together America's employees, small business owners and homeowners, we get a non-corporate "entity" that is waaaayyyyyy bigger than some little piss-ant bank and it is we who are too big to fail.

the nice things some people say about she negotiates

"Victoria Pynchon's negotiation skills crush cultural bias, gender barriers and even fears about the tumultuous economy. She taught me to conquer my fears with courage and navigate contentious negotiation, while demanding my market value.  Her one-on-one supportive coaching techniques trump transformation. Working with her has triggered a personal evolutionary spiral into a new way of doing business with confidence, the fruits of which have knocked down walls in every part of my life. I felt supported through the entire process and experienced immediate results."

Judy Martin, Business Journalist & Founder WorkLifeNation.com

"Lisa Gates reached into the very core of my being in order to bring me back into the reality of my dreams. Her talk is real and her methods concise. I no longer doubt what I'm doing...instead I speak, write, and live, knowing exactly why I do what I do and I realize that the goals I have set for myself are entirely up to me and attainable." 

Cicily R. Janus, Writing Away Retreats

diversity in the amlaw100? who are we kidding?

Most law firms state their commitment to diversity and inclusivity, prominently featuring on their diversity pages the pathetically few women and minorities in positions of genuine economic power in the firm.  Are they walking the talk?  Let me count the ways.

O'Melveny & Myers ~ We attract, retain, and promote people of all backgrounds, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, national origin, sexual orientation, age, religion, disability, or any other group characteristics.

201 male partners and 21 women ~ 10%.  In the legal realm, you win awards for this.

O’Melveny & Myers LLP has been named to The American Lawyer’s 2010 A-List, which recognizes the nation’s most elite law firms for stellar performance in the areas of revenue generation, pro bono commitment, associate satisfaction, and diversity representation.  This is the Firm’s third consecutive year on the list of 20 firms judged best at balancing the practice of law with their obligations to the profession.

I don't mean to pick on O'Melveny.  It's representative of the whole.  Any AmLaw100 law firm that would like to crow about its great track record in retaining and promoting women and minorities, please do drop by with your results and suggestions to your peers for improvements in these figures that the smartest guys in the room just can't seem to be capable of figuring out.  

Today, Forbes Corporate Social Responsibility Blog is commencing a series on how a serious commitment to diversity results in improved bottom line performance.  I commend that series to the attention of the real powers that be inside AmLaw 100 law firms and they cannot be found in the Diversity Programs, of that I can assure you.  Here's the intro to the McDonald's diversity program series:

How does a company that serves 56 million customers a day across 118 countries become a leader in diversity hiring and retention? According to the inclusion and diversity team at McDonald’s, it takes a combination of knowing how to leverage a multicultural customer base, a C-suite-led commitment to talent management, and academic-style learning labs.

If you're a woman, like me, we have our own garden to tend.  We leave the Fortune 50 and the AmLaw100 out of discouragement.  But part of that discouragement is born of our own diminished expectations and failures to build serious rain-making activities into our daily practices along with our failures to demand assignments to the types of cases where partners are made.

If your law firm or corporation does not have a serious diversity program, click your ruby slippers three times, say "there's no place like the board room," take the She Negotiates signature course, and kick a little butt. 

Remember, as Gloria Steinem said, "the truth shall set you free, but first, it will piss you off."

Cross-posted at She Negotiates.

prisons of peace

Can we afford not to learn and teach these skills?  Cross-posted at She Negotiates.

three is the magic number . . .

. . . and the Supreme Court has it.  Check out The Female Factor over at Slate (excerpt below):

Social scientists contend that the difference is more than just cosmetic. They cite a 2006 study by the Wellesley Centers for Women that found three to be the magic number when it came to the impact of having women on corporate boards: After the third woman is seated, boards reach a tipping point at which the group as a whole begins to function differently. According to Sumru Erkut, one of the authors of that study, the small group as a whole becomes more collaborative and more open to different perspectives. In no small part, she writes, that's because once a critical mass of three women is achieved on a board, it's more likely that all of the women will be heard. In other words, it's not that females bring any kind of unitary women's perspective to the board—there's precious little evidence that women think fundamentally differently from men about business or law—but that if you seat enough women, the question of whether women deserve the seat finally goes away. And women claim they are finally able to speak openly when they don't feel their own voice is meant to be the voice of all women.

Over at She Negotiates, we use the power of women to support, encourage, cheer and brainstorm in every class we offer, with the greatest power coming to and from our post-graduate Negotiation Master Classes which are limited to only four women.  For additional information about how you can use woman-power to improve your bottom line, contact either Lisa or Vickie using our contact form or catch either one of us at our direct numbers.

This isn't about gender-war, this is about human peace and prosperity!

Thanks to Bruce Moyer, the Federal Bar Association's Government Relations Counsel for the head's up on this one.

She Negotiates the End of the Glass Ceiling



How do we "sell" the nation on the idea that women's work is as valuable as men's? Despite the fact that 90 years have passed since women were given the vote and 40 since an entire generation of women raised their voices against unequal treatment under the law, we continue to make a third of what our men do.

What's up with that? and why the Coke ad?

What's up with that is this: we're not negotiating our true market value because we believe it is worth one-third less than men believe their true market value to be. That's what the research shows. Instead of getting angry, let's finally "get even" by learning our true market value; gathering the tools to ask for it; and, then just go get it.

That's what Lisa Gates and I are up to over at She Negotiates ~ our four-week online coached negotiation class for women. First, we give you the tools to re-calibrate your market value. Then we teach you how to get it. It's a simple as that.

Why the Coke ad?

Coca-Cola, one of the most successful products ever to grace our planet, wasn't always a world-wide beauty pageant winner. It once had to sell itself. It's SODA POP for goodness sakes. But it didn't sell itself as soda pop. It sold itself as the staff of life ~ bread. It wasn't a luxury ~ something our then-post-depression post-war parents were not keen on buying. It was a necessity.

So how do we sell ourselves as necessary to the economy and as valuable as bread and butter? Come on over to She Negotiates and we'll teach you how.

Our next course begins on September 13 and you can take it in your jammies! A warning: this is no ordinary e-class. It's a lot of hard work.

If you're ready to upset the apple cart and apply a little elbow grease to the gears and levers of a society that still fails to recognize our value, come on by!

Our best for yet another new beginning,

Vickie Pynchon and Lisa Gates
She Negotiates Consulting and Training

The Los Angeles Federal Bar Welcomes New ADR Director Gail Killefer

As a member of the Los Angeles Chapter of the Federal Bar Association and incoming Chair of the FBA's ADR Section, I'd like to wish the Central District's new Settlement Officer Panel Czar a hearty welcome to the District and to Los Angeles.

Gail Killifer has been actively mediating with Killefer Mediation for the past nine years.  In addition to her mediation experience, knowledge and training, she brings to the new job an unusual depth of academic experience from her nine years as an Adjunct Professor at U.C. Hastings College of the Law where she taught mediation to law students.

Having served on the ADR panels of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California and other Bay Area superior courts, Ms. Killifer is well acquainted with the challenges facing federal attorneys, mediators, administrators and the judiciary in running the robust and highly qualified settlement officer panels that the U.S. Courts are known for.

Ms. Killefer served as an Assistant United States Attorney in San Francisco from 1989 to 2001.  She served as a Deputy Chief, Civil Division, 1994-1998, and as Chief, Civil Division, 1998-2001.  Prior to joining the U.S. Attorney’s Office, she served as a Trial Attorney with the U.S. Department of Justice, Torts Branch, in Washington, D.C., and as a law clerk to the Honorable Barrington D. Parker (D.D.C.).  She received a B.A. from Stanford University and a J.D. from the Vermont Law School.

Welcome Gail!!  We have a great community of neutrals here, all of whom are all eager to get to know you (without overwhelming you with Welcome Wagon invitations) and to assist you in any way we can with your challenging and important new position.

Negotiation is a Conversation Leading to Agreement

From today's "She Negotiates" lesson.

If negotiation is a conversation with agreement as its goal, we should not be wasting our time arguing with one another about whose point of view is the best. We should be talking to one another about how we can both achieve as many of the goals we both want to achieve as a result of our conversation.

You do not have to change anyone's mind to give them what they want to get. And you don't have to grudgingly accept half a loaf (a portion of the pie) if, unbeknownst to one another, you possess five items of value your bargaining partner wants or needs, and your bargaining partner possesses a dozen items of value you want or need. In a really effective negotiation, you may find that together you and your bargaining partner can whip up a dozen pies and end up with more than either of you had imagined.

Wouldn't you like to be learning how to do this instead of working on that sanctions motion for your adversary's bad faith refusal to answer interrogatories?

The next game-changing She Negotiates month-long coached course begins on September 16.  Stop trying to change people's minds and start changing the world!

And gentlemen, tell your women friends.  Husbands and significant others benefit from this course as well!  My own happily came back from the gym the other day saying "I did what you taught me; I got two extra months of gym membership free."

yes we can! negotiate our jobs back! at ForbesWoman

Please don't buy me retail

My friend's Women's Bar Association is looking for a speaker. 

They wanted that other woman who speaks on the topic of women negotiating.  You know the one . . . what's her name.  Yes, that's her.  The annual meeting committee gave her a ring and she quoted them $10,000 for an hour keynote.  To be fair, an hour keynote takes all day.  First, you've got to travel, then stay over night, then, if you're really serious about being of service to women lawyers, you get up early and listen to the morning speaker, talk to your table mates, find out what their challenges are, and, then alter, ever so slightly, your noon keynote to deliver exactly what this particular unique group of women need to hear.  You stay after, of course, to answer questions and sell copies of your book, which is, after all, your time, the time you'd be spending anyway spreading the good news that women can negotiate away the glass ceiling and the pay gap and their kids' private school tuitions.  Because that's just how you roll.  So it's never just an hour.

Still.

$10,000. 

"Did you negotiate with her?" I asked.

"The search committee didn't even try," said my friend.  "They figured her price was retail."

I don't mind being second choice.  That other woman, well, shoot, she pretty much started the whole women-negotiating-revolution.  I get it.  So I gave my quote and added, "but I'm not a suit on a hanger at Bloomies.  You don't have to buy me retail.  Remember some of what I taught you about money and value."

"Uhhhhh, make an aggressive first offer?"

"Well, yes.  But that's not what I'm talking about here.  I'm talking about the money is meaningless lesson.  You remember.  You can't eat or drink it.  It won't actually do the surgery nor build an addition to your house.  Remember how it just evaporated overnight right before George Bush left office?  Remember how your house was worth $500,000 on Monday and two fifty on Tuesday?

'Money has a value only because we give it value.  It's only worth what we say it's worth.

"Uhhhh . . . . "

"O.K.  I know.  I talk too much and too vaguely."

Here's the deal.  My price is X + expenses.  That's negotiable.  I don't tell you it's negotiable because as soon as I do you'll start negotiating!  And since it was me who taught you to negotiate, I'm not wild about bargaining with you.  The desire to teach is way to strong in me.

"I'm negotiable.  So is that other woman, the one whose book title is Ask for It!  And money isn't the only measure of value.  It would also be of value to me for your women's bar association to sell my book.  Of course I'll bring it with me to autograph and the like.  But you could also include it on your invitations.  If someone in your Bar Association blogs, they could give it a review.  If you haven't already pledged that you wouldn't give away anyone's email address, you could give me your mailing list so I can stay in touch with your members.  Each of your members also has her own network.  We could brainstorm about ways that you could give me the benefit of my pre-speech networking acumen to get more women to your convention.  It's hard to sell seats these days.  How many people are you expecting?  What if we double that?  Could you pay me my full fee then?

"None of us is a suit on a rack.  And what we can do for one another is so much greater than opening our wallets and shelling out a few dollars that money sometimes seems just laughable.  So let me say this again.  I know you've heard it before but I want to highlight it here again.

"I am a store of value and you are too.  My network, my social capital is a store of the store of value of each member in it.  And in that, you and I are both rich.

"Got it?"

My friend, my student, is smiling, even though I can't see that over the telephone.

"I got it."

"Now what was that offer again?"

 The next game changing She Negotiates workshop is still open for a few last-minute members.  We start on Monday.  Don't be a suit on a rack.  Join us!

(cross posted at She Negotiates)

Negotiating Women's Leadership with the PLUS Foundations

Happy Lawyers is Not an Oxymoron Redux

Pictured:  Chere Estrin, Chairperson, Board of Directors, The OLP;  Editor-in-Chief, SUE for Women Litigators; Editor-in-Chief, KNOW the Magazine for Paralegals; CEO, Estrin Education, Inc.

I've written about happy and unhappy lawyers before - here and here but I've rarely framed the issue as succinctly or as well as Chere Estrin at the Organization of Legal Professionals.  In the sidebar to her article The Secrets to a Stress Free Career, Estrin says work does not give you stress. Feeling bad about work gives you stress. 

What does Estrin know? 

Quite a lot. 

"I used to be the most stressed-put person I knew," says Estrin.

I averaged 90 hour weeks in the legal field as an executive in a $5 billion corporation, traveled three weeks out of four, answered to some big shots who thought they owned the planet, and managed hundreds of people.  It wasn’t much different when I was a paralegal manager.  There were critical deadlines to meet, difficult attorneys to juggle, anxious clients to handle and something called a “minimum billable hours” requirement, now referred to as “suggested” hours in a more politically correct and less actionable environment.  I recently looked at a picture of myself during that era.  I was holding my new-born niece, Cristina, a joy to behold and I looked like I just escaped from a train wreck and stopped by to say howdy.

Sound familiar?  After debunking some stress myths (you should go right over there now to read them) Estrin suggests the following:  

Continue Reading

negotiation - it takes courage

(cross posted at She Negotiates)

I asked one of my consulting clients for a testimonial yesterday.

"Anything," she said, "it's genuinely changed the way I do everything.  It's not just the shift in my business relationship with [BigBiz, Inc.].  I dumped a boyfriend last week because of our conversations!  So, seriously, what would you like me to say?"

My client and I, like the few women commercial litigation clients I had during my twenty-five years as a lawyer (2%?) were quickly becoming friends.  And I was proud of her.  Truly proud.  Like a parent would be.

"I'm proud of you," I finally said, even though I'd been thinking it for weeks.  "You've shifted the power in your working relationship and that was difficult to do.  You were persistent.  You're a first class learner.  And you've been brave."

She laughed, the way we women do when we're praised, wanting the moment to pass instead of savoring it a little, particularly when we know deep down we've genuinely achieved something important in our own lives and careers but don't want to appear self-satisfied.

So I said it again.  "I'm really proud of you.  You've done great work and you never gave up.  You didn't fold to the power of BigBiz, Inc.  You stood up for yourself."

Continue Reading

Kagan: the Business Angle

Let the Kagan Games Begin: Whitepapers from SCOTUS Blog

(pictured:  the bread and circuses part)

Thanks to the SCOTUS Blog for the following resources on the upcoming Kagan hearings.  Follow SCOTUS Blog all week for commentary. 

Why should negotiators be interested in the composition of the Supreme Court?  Because the freedom to negotiate requires a strong rule of law culture.  And because everything we negotiate assumes the enforcement of certain agreements and non-enforcement of others, of particular interest to negotiators and ADR practitioners - arbitration agreements

SCOTUS whitepapers below:

Diversity Hiring

Abortion

Diversity on the Court

Gays in the Military

Corporate Rights (Citizen's United)

Conservatives

Executive Power

Kagan's Qualifications to Serve

 

 

 

 

"Winning" Workplace Arguments is Really Just Consensus Building

In  Workplace Negotiating Secrets From Bethenny's Shrink over at Forbes.com, Xavier Amador, the therapist on Bethany Getting Married? gives his "secrets" for "winning" workplace arguments.  What Amador suggests (below and at the link) is really just collaborative interest-based negotiation, but his catchy acronym - LEAP - is a good one to remember for all negotiations, whether you're brokering peace in the Middle East or getting your guy to put the toilet seat down.  If you read the article, and I highly recommend doing so,  you'll see that no one is "winning" any "argument."  Rather, people are finding ways to accomodate all of their needs simultaneously.


 

Amador, 50, uses many of the same methods with both individuals and corporate clients. His book I'm Right, You're Wrong, Now What?, lays out a strategy he calls LEAP, for listen, empathize, agree, partner. It applies to salary negotiations, to disagreements with partners or colleagues or underlings and even to challenging sales assignments.

An acronym enthusiast ("acronyms help me to remember"), Amador says the first step is "L," for listen. That may sound simple, but often it's very hard. In sales, for instance. Before he became a psychologist, Amador worked for an Arizona company that sold solar heating. Rather than simply trying to push his product, he found he got further if he patiently listened to his potential clients' objections.

Fincher on Diversity on Mid-Summer Night's Eve

Women's Attitudes, Skills and Fears about Negotiation

The numbers below represent an unscientific poll of women in business concerning their skills, attitudes and fears about negotiation.  The women were asked to rate their agreement with the statements on a 1-10 scale with 1 being the least agreement and 10 being the greatest agreement.  The numbers represent the average answer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is an Excel spreadsheet of the data collected in this assessment.

Continue Reading

Closing the Wage Gap Rocking Your World

As the July She Negotiates workshop nears, I realize that the one force that might discourage women from participating is the same force the workshop is designed to (and will inevitably) resolve: the effect of the recession on women's already reduced earning power.

But let's take a look at what's at stake here - your economic future.

Why this is Mission Critical

The wage and income gap is stuck at 33% despite the gains made by women in business and the professions over the past thirty years. That's simply unacceptable to me. And because I know the reason why, I've committed myself to spreading the word and teaching the skills necessary to close that gap NOW.

You Know Why the Wage Gap Persists?

I believe I do.  I'm no social scientist, but I am an expert negotiator with a master of laws degree in conflict resolution and five years of full-time experience facilitating the negotiated resolution of commercial litigation.

I've been teaching women to negotiate for the past two years and here's what I learned - both on the ground and through extensive research.

Continue Reading

No Woman, No Matter How Successful, Ever Has a Pure Business Negotiation

Yesterday at the She Negotiates blog, I posted two quotes by a woman executive (President and CEO) who is blazingly successful in one of the most male-dominated industries in the world - construction of sports arenas.

Here they are again:

After she’d been in business for 15 years, a colleague told [Alvarado] she had two problems.

[Y]ou have a Hispanic company name, so you may be stereotyped [and] when you walk into a conference room to negotiate, you look like a woman.

When her son was five and asked if he wanted to grow up and be a “contractor like your mother and build sports facilities and schools,” he said “with disdain,

“No, that’s women’s work.”

Ba ba bump! (rim shot). Or as the old feminists used to say, "click."

My partner in negotiation-for-women crime is life-balance coach, Lisa Gates

Continue Reading

Ask for Something Every Day for a Year!

Join Roxana at the Daily Asker- Take the challenge:  Can I ask for something everyday for a year?

I've just signed up for 365 days of asking.

Continue Reading

Kagan and the Magic Number Three

More important than her religious background (Jewish) her Ivy League Credentials (Harvard) her progressive, liberal or conservative Democrat political leanings, is the prospect that Kagan's addition to the Supreme Court will result in the magic number of three women on the United States Supreme Court. 

Why is three the magic number?

Recent studies have shown that it takes three women corporate board members to avoid the deliterious effects of group think on corporate decision making - my own supposition on the question "why three" being that one or two women easily risk falling into male group-think.  This isn't male bashing, by the way. I assume three men on an otherwise all woman's board would have a similar performance enhancing effect.  

Continue Reading

Mothers Day Issue of Blawg Review #263 is Up and Running at the She Negotiates Blog

We’re celebrating Mothers Day by posting Blawg Review #263 at the She Negotiates Blog for one obvious and some not so obvious reasons.  The obvious reason is the word “She.”  The not-so-obvious reasons are:  (1) Mother’s Day was a peace and reconciliation movement before it was a holiday; and, (2) peace exists only when we have the political will to seek and the negotiation tools achieve the resolution of conflict.

In addition to the main post, we've also posted Blawg Review #263 on our She Networks, She Succeeds, She Transforms and She Resolves pages (up at the top of the blog).

Negotiate a Pay Raise During a Recession? You Bet!

Can't ask for a raise during an economic downturn?  If the recession doesn't stop insurance executives from increasing their own pay and benefits by more than 50% (to $13.1 million) why should it stop you?

Just in case you were manning the Antarctic Ice Station at the time of the revelations prompting this post, here's the L.A. Times Executive Summary.

WellPoint Inc. revealed Friday that it boosted . . . chief executive [Angela Braly's] compensation 51% last year, even as the health insurance giant prepared massive rate increases in California that embroiled it in a national controversy over skyrocketing health insurance costs.

The proposed rate increases of up to 39% in individual policies turned the insurer into a flash point in the healthcare overhaul battle, breathing new life into President Obama's effort at a crucial time in the debate.

Continue Reading

Why Should Women Learn How to Negotiate? A Call to Action

Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, in the must-read Ask for It!, define negotiation as "a tool to help change [or preserve] the status quo when change [or preservation] requires the agreement of another person.

Why should women learn to negotiate?  Here's the succinct and powerful message Babcock and Laschever have for us:

The consequences of not negotiating in the workplace are pretty extreme.  First and foremost, women earn much less money than men over the course of their careers. We calculated that just by not negotiating her first job offer—simply accepting what she's offered rather than negotiating for more—a woman sacrifices anywhere from half a million dollars to one and a half million dollars in lost income over the course of her career. This is a massive loss for a one-time negotiation—for avoiding what is usually no more than five minutes of discomfort—and it's an unnecessary loss, because most employers expect people to negotiate and therefore offer less than they're prepared to pay. And far more men than women negotiate their first offers. Since men also negotiate more than women throughout their careers—or negotiate more aggressively—the financial losses to women can be truly staggering.

Once upon a time, several generations of women all decided at pretty much the same moment that they did not wish to be economically marginalized anymore.  They didn't want to see themselves portrayed primarily as air-heads who couldn't successfully drive a car to the market, let alone manage a hedge fund.

Continue Reading

  • 4media dvd ripper standard 5
  • adobe audition cs5.5 mac
  • adobe creative suite 4 web premium mac
  • autodesk building design suite ultimate 2012
  • techsmith camtasia studio 7
  • adobe flash builder 4.7 premium
  • adobe photoshop cs5 mac
  • corel wordperfect office x4 standard
  • adobe creative suite 6 production premium student and teacher edition
  • visual studio 2010 premium
  • autodesk maya 2013
  • nuance pdf converter professional 5
  • adobe cs6 production premium student and teacher edition mac
  • autodesk autocad electrical 2011
  • autodesk autocad map 3d 2009
  • pitney bowes mapinfo professional 11.5
  • adobe cs6 design standard student and teacher edition mac
  • infinite skills - learning bootstrap 2 mac
  • daz bryce 5.5
  • thegrideon access password professional 2.0
  • adobe flash professional cs5.5
  • autodesk navisworks manage 2009
  • microangelo toolset 6
  • autodesk alias design 2012 mac
  • parallels desktop 9 mac
  • futuremark 3dmark 05 pro
  • filemaker pro 11 advanced
  • adobe dreamweaver cc mac
  • infinite skills - advanced html5 training
  • autodesk autocad 2011 mac
  • excel 2010 all-in-one for dummies
  • adobe photoshop cs3 photographers guide
  • quarkxpress 10
  • camtasia studio 8
  • apple mac os x 10.8 mountain lion